Ali asks :
I'm in a pickle. My mother passed away last July and I had no choice but to move in with my fiancée and his family. I used to love his family so much but living with them has made me hate them as I constantly feel misunderstood. As I have been so unhappy at home I have found myself happy elsewhere... With another guy. We haven't slept together but just keep thinking about it in my head and arranging to see him when I can. What do I do?
Hi Ali,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Even if you get on with your parents in law to be- it can be difficult living under someone else's roof. Your partner will be used to their way of doing things, but chances are yours are very different. Living together for them is probably like a well-oiled machine, whereas it may take you longer to get into a routine.
You will probably all see each other at your best and your worst, so keeping up appearances might be harder than ever before for all involved.
It sounds like you needed somewhere and someone to escape to and perhaps this man has fulfilled that need. Feeling misunderstood can be very frustrating and perhaps your partner might see things from your point of view better if you were to talk to him about it. It may just be that you need somewhere to go to that gives you some personal space and time alone. Maybe your feelings could lessen for this other man and grow for your partner again if you were to tell him about your struggles and work together to find ways to manage the situation better. It may not be ideal- however if you were to talk about financial planning and start looking for your own place- this new focus could take your mind from straying.
It helps to like and get on with your extended family, however try not to let that dictate your relationship with your partner as it is him that you will be marring if that is what you do decide.
If this experience has been a wake up call, then it might help to deal with one relationship before getting into another.
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