Beth asks :
Hi Lucy,
I spilt with my fiancé just over 2 months ago now but I still desperately love him and want us to give us another shot. I asked him if he wanted to about a month after we spilt l, but he said no. It destroyed me. He still has a lot if his stuff at my house and won't pick up and still gets all his mail delivered to mine which he gets sporadically. We have only seen each other a handful of times since the split but he couldn't look at me at all. This past week I have had to message him a couple of times regarding bills etc. and he has told me bits about stuff that is going on with him which he hasn't before. My friends reckon I am reading too much into it but I love this man with all my heart and I just can't move on. I don't know if I am stupid or what to do next. Please help.
Hi Beth,
Agony Aunts on Female First
You are NOT stupid. Breaks ups are hard work and those who say otherwise have not been through one to know how it feels.
Two months is not a very long time to get over a break up, especially if you were engaged. Perhaps be kinder to yourself and allow a little more time to get your head around things.
Maybe you are finding it hard to let go because there is still so much of him in your life. Could your box up his stuff and drop it off at his house and ask him to redirect his mail to his new address? These constant reminders might not be helping you to adjust to your new single life.
If you have already asked him to get back together and he said ‘no’ then perhaps try to start living your life as you again, rather than as half of a whole. Getting over breaks ups are more about leaving those habits behind that you created with your ex and making new ones. This should help you to dwell on it less and focus on the things you want from now on. Perhaps look into getting a hobby, making plans with your friends and family and filling your diary full of things to keep your mind from drifting back to the past.
It’s important to take on board why the relationship didn’t work out and use that as a means of deciding what you want from your future ones and more importantly what you don’t.
Surround yourself with people that make you feel good about yourself. Break ups can leave us feeling insecure sometimes so maybe go out and get yourself a new haircut, a new outfit or some new make-up- perhaps try to give yourself a new look- a new you and embrace the next chapter of your life.
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