Crazy in love asks :

Hi Lucy,

I am in an unhappy marriage of 25 years, we don't love each other and frequently talk about separating but neither one of us have taken steps to make this happen, we have two grown up children one of whom still lives at home. We have a group of friends we socialise with, most of whom are married or in a relationship, and have known them for a number of years, recently one of the married men sat next to me and our legs were touching, we have an amazing chemistry between us and get along very well, I feel alive and happy again, I would love us to spend time together alone, I am sure the sex would be great and can't stop thinking about him, even though I am not sure he would cheat on his wife. He is also 20 years older than me, but the actual problem is that I can't stop thinking about him, I mean 24/7, unless I am at work or distracted somehow, in some ways it’s a blessing because I feel so much happier, but it is also a curse because I want him so much but I can't have him as it is very unlikely we could ever be alone together unless one of us plucks up the courage to arrange something. I am so confused, I also think I am in love with him, am I going crazy? It feels like it, like I said, a blessing and a curse. What do I do, how do I stop feeling this way?

Our Reply

Hi Crazy in love,

People often feel the grass is greener in a marriage when it’s not going well, however if separating has been something that you have talked about for a while, then maybe talk to a professional relationship counsellor about it.

You admit that neither of you have taken steps to leave each other so perhaps if you talked it through with someone then you might be able to put some plans in place to go your separate ways. If you both openly no longer love each other and you have developed feelings for another man, then it seems that both of you are ready to move on.

Maybe you have developed feelings of love for this man because you crave it so badly. If you have not felt it from your husband then perhaps he has filled this gap with some attention and sexual chemistry that has been left wide open, which might be cl9ouding your judgement. That couple with the fact that he is forbidden fruit because he is married, could be contributing to your crush.

I would suggest that maybe before you enter into anything with another man that you make decisions in your own marriage first, so you are not bombarded with too many emotions at once. Leaving your partner is a huge upheaval and you will likely need to put all of your energy into that for a while before looking for new love. You haven’t been single in 25 years so if this is the path you take then you might find that you want to date for a little while first before committing to another man if at all. 


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