Lisa asks :

Hi Lucy,

I met a guy online back in February and we had a great time on our first date. After that we started talking on the phone regularly and within a few weeks he was calling me every day and we would talk on the phone for over an hour every day. It got to the point where every time I would ask to meet up with him he would say he wasn't sure what he was doing that week so couldn't say when he would be able to meet up with me. This happened for about 3 weeks and then he eventually agreed to meet up with me. We had a really great time but after our second date we went back to talking on the phone every day for over an hour and him not wanting to meet up with me and this happened for another month. We eventually went out again a third time and had a good time but then went back to the same pattern. Whenever I asked him why he didn't want to meet up with me, he would say he did want to meet up with me but never made the time. Eventually I asked him what his intentions were. At first he was cagey about it until I mentioned that I had been in a situation a year back when I was messed around by a guy and then he eventually said he just wants us to be friends and wasn't looking for a relationship. I was very hurt by this as he is the one who insisted on speaking to me on the phone for over an hour every day and wasn't honest with me about his intentions. He said he wants to be friends but I can't get past him leading me on. I haven't spoken to him for over a week now and sometimes think about phoning him. I don't know if that's a good idea?

Hi Lisa,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

Perhaps he met up with you to see if he felt anything more than friends and from the three dates you had, discovered that he was more comfortable being just mates. He might not have known how he felt at first.

Even if he is not interested in you romantically it sounds like you had a lot to talk about and a connection. Maybe you could continue with that and embrace the part of you both that seems to work really well.

It might have been unfair to class your meetings as dates if he didn’t feel this way, however the likelihood is that you were both very unsure about where they would take you. Early dates are often to test the water.

He could just be shy and prefers to communicate with you over the phone; if you do decide to stay as friends then maybe once you feel more comfortable with one another, you could meet up more regularly.

It is understandable that you are upset that you thought there was something more to it than there was, however if you have a bond with this guy then maybe, in time you could settle for being his friend. 


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