Anjali asks :

Hi Lucy,
I have been dating a man for the last four months and we had decided to tie the knot before he found out from a colleague of his that I had got physically intimate (not sexual - just the kissing-cuddling bit) with one of his juniors at work (I was then working in the same company as him). It was an accident wherein both of us were drunk at an office outing. I was shocked at his behaviour - he went around asking 3-4 other people whether they knew about something of this sort before he confronted me. Now he wants to publicly call off the relationship but continue dating me, and in the meanwhile I must try to win his trust back. What do I do? I concealed the episode from him out of decency, and he feels I've committed a sin by being dishonest.

Hi Anjali, 

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

As long as you were not doing this while you were dating him then you have not done anything wrong. Yes it is a little awkward that it happened, as are most things the happen at an office party, but you have not been unfaithful. He should not have asked around the office first and just come to you rather than relying on rumours, but it sounds like he acted impulsively.

If he wants to publically call of the relationship but keep dating you, then it sounds like wants to still be with you but just can't handle the embarrassment that he is not the only man in the office to have had you in a romantic sense. Should you have told him? Perhaps, but you didn’t for honourable reasons, there are much worse things you could lie about for the wrong reasons. If he wants to be with you, it needs to be public and in private or it shows little respect for your coupling. Most people have had romantic encounters before they meet the person they are with now, it’s just history, it should not be problem unless it’s brought back into the present and results in betrayal. 


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