Isla asks :
Hi Lucy,
I've been dating my boyfriend for 9 months now and he seems like the real deal. He is kind and caring and would put me before anything. We talk about houses and marriage and babies, and I genuinely see myself having a life with him. However, we are currently in a long distance relationship and at least once a week I think about what life would be without him. Or what life would be like with other people. Things didn't end properly with the guy before him and I still have unresolved feelings there, and I keep wondering what kind of future I would have with him. I don't understand how I can tell my boyfriend I love him every day and think I mean it, when I also have thoughts of leaving him. Should I be worried? I don't know what to think or do.
Hi Isla,
Agony Aunts on Female First
When people are in difficult relationships, not so much the relationship itself but the type of arrangement you have, it can be tempting to think how much easier things would be if the situation were different. Perhaps you would feel surer about him if he was nearer you, for instance. It can become a bit of ‘out of sight out of mind’ with long distance relationships which is why communication is so important.
If you are thinking about being with other people then perhaps it’s a case of ‘the grass is greener’ and you are thinking about how much easier it would be if you had a partner closer to home. That said if you ‘think’ you love him when you tell him then perhaps you don’t as much as you would like, despite his many positive attributes. This coupled with thoughts of being without him could be a sign that you are ready to move on.
He might be kind and caring, however if you feel it’s not right then maybe talk to him and see where he is in the relationship. He might be having doubts too- if you have talked about the future this could be because you both want to enjoy these things together or it could be to gauge each other’s reaction to talking about more commitment. Perhaps one if you is hoping that the other will be the first to speak up and voice your concerns.
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