Sarah asks :
Hi Lucy,
I first had a relationship with somebody when I was a young teenager. Every few years we lose contact make contact again; have a muck around and loose contact again. We do have a child together but he does not live with either of us. We have both been married to separate people my marriage broke down and his is having problems neither of us ever saw each other while we were married but we have just started talking again after a good 5 years of nothing. This pattern has been happening for over 20 years now can you explain why this keeps happening please.
Hi Sarah,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Perhaps you gravitate back towards one another because you have all that past. If you were together from a very young age then maybe it’s the history that brings you back to one another every so often. Growing up with someone as well as having a young romantic relationship can be one of the greatest bonds between two people.
If he is ‘having problems’ and you have broken things off from your partner then maybe it makes you both look fondly upon your time together and remember the good parts of your relationship- just enough to get one or both of you to get back in touch.
Perhaps you are meant to be together- or maybe you just miss each other’s friendship- whatever the reason- you can put a stop to it if you want to. If this back and forth is confusing you, then maybe talk to him and tell him that you want to be one or the other but not inconsistent in whatever it is you have together.
If he is having problems and not yet separated then perhaps leave this one alone in terms of pursuing anything romantic. The relationship sounds complicated enough as it is so maybe if you were to start things up again while he’s still undecided on his partner, then this might cause more issues.
Whatever you decide perhaps ask yourself what you are getting out of the relationship when it’s good and when you are in touch. If it means a lot to you then maybe it’s worth pursuing if he becomes single, or if you feel unsatisfied by your meetings then maybe it’s time to cut the cord.
tagged in Marriage Relationship yin and yang agony aunt
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