Shez asks :

Hi Lucy,

Why is my boyfriend such a pain? He is always putting me down and embarrassing me in front of his friends when he’s drunk. I want leave him but don't know how because I love him with all my heart but he sometimes treats me like shit. Please help, he never talks with me- when he does always lies. We sometimes have good times together but it only when we having sex. He never spends time with me and he doesn't support me emotionally- he's always busy when I call him.

Hi Shez,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

It sounds very difficult for you right now- to love someone who is not showing you any love in return.

Have you tried telling him that you are not happy with these various aspects of your relationship? If not, then it might be worth talking to him about everything. Maybe you have bottled this up over time and have never discussed how you can improve things?

First of all, people who choose to put others down usually do this because of their negative feelings about themselves. He is likely doing it to take the attention away from him- if people are looking to you- they are not criticising him for anything. It is just diversion and remember that alcohol can makes things ten times worse.

If he treats you like ‘shit’ and does not ever tell you he loves you then neither his words nor his actions give you any reassurance that he cares about you.

Relationships are about communication, support and boosting a partner’s self-esteem- none of which he seems to be doing.

Lying is the slippery slope to nowhere in a relationship as trust is so important for keeping a pairing healthy and happy. 

If the only good times you have are when you are between the sheets, then perhaps that is all he wants from this arrangement- if that is not the same of you then perhaps you need to find someone who wants the things you do.

You say you love him but love for someone else comes from the knowledge that you are also loved in return which it sounds like you are lacking. Mutual love is far more fulfilling than a one sided love.

If he doesn’t make time for you to call, then it sounds like all areas of this relationship are negative with only one positive. It may be hard to do but if you want to feel happiness with someone- then you might have to instigate a break up to find it. If you feel that after talking to him you are not getting through- then at least you can say you tried everything you could to make the relationship work. 

 


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