Lorraine asks :
Hi Lucy,
My fiance and I have known each other 1 year and have just gotten engaged. However we are very happy but his ex who is married is very close friends with his mum and she tells the ex everything almost. Also he has numerous exs he's still friends with. I feel insecure and have told him I don’t want to meet them or invite them to the wedding. We have fallen out and now he says no wedding. He says I’m accusing him.
Our Reply
Hi Lorraine,
Requesting for his exs not to be at your wedding is perhaps not so much an accusation- more of a preference. If you have not accused him of anything, then it seems he has taken it the wrong way. Would he want your exs at the wedding too if you were friendly with them?
If he is willing to call of the wedding over a guest list dispute then maybe talk to him and put it into some perspective. There must be people that he doesn’t want at the wedding from your side, so compromises likely need to be made.
Have you talked to his mum and asked her not to share so much of your life together with his ex? Maybe tell his mum less about your relationship, then she doesn’t have anything to pass onto his ex-other than facts.
You both might just be suffering from engagement jitters if you have only been together for a year. The pressure of having to solve these disputes can sometimes be blown out of proportion and make couples worry about how life is going to be after they are married. In this case he might be concerned that you are trying to have some influence over who his friends are. Maybe you could clarify that it’s just for one day to help to diffuse the situation.
tagged in Friends Mums yin and yang agony aunt
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