Sienna asks :
Hi Lucy,
I am getting married to my fiancé of 8 years next June. The thing is, we’re having his sister as our bridesmaid, she is two years younger than me age 23.
The thing is, she is refusing to go on my hen party and admitted she just doesn't want to go and would rather go out with her mates. She also has had me blocked on Facebook for the past 3 years and recently on Instagram and snap chat. I've tried talking to her through text about all this and what I've done wrong but then she chooses to ignore me. She has all her family and friends on Facebook even my sister is on her Facebook. It’s always me texting her I'm the one trying all the time if not she wouldn't even probably bother.
I've not seen her since last Christmas and we haven't even met her boyfriend of 1 year who I presume will be coming to our wedding. I don’t know if it’s just me getting paranoid but I just don’t understand why. I see all my friends and how well they get on with their in laws. I used to get really along with his sister we would do things together. We even went away to Turkey for a week but now she's completely shut me off. I would be very grateful of your advice x
Hi Sienna,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Bridesmaids need to be your support system during the wedding process. If you feel she is not helping you in any way, then perhaps you could choose someone else who you trust to be there for you.
It would save having to 'demote' her and give you some help. If she has already said she is not coming to your hen do then it sounds like you won't be able to rely on her for anything during the run up to your wedding.
That said, anyone who has been asked to take part in your wedding and has already shown their disinterest; might not be deserving of an important place in your big day. If you were to ask her not to be your bridesmaid, people may not think badly of you if you tell them about her behaviour and refusal to go to your hen do.
Have you tried talking to her in person? Perhaps all the avenues you have exhausted make it easier for her to ignore you. Maybe it would help to talk to her face to face and ask her why she has been distant of late.
Could it be down to a bit of jealousy? If she is of similar age and isn't getting married soon, then she may envy the fact that you are. Were you engaged when you went to Turkey? If not then she may have found it easier to socialise with you because there wasn't a wedding on the horizon.
Have you talked to your fiance about all of this? Perhaps he could help get to the bottom of things- or another family member? Your intentions are to bring the family closer together so they may be more than willing to help you.
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