Scarlett asks :

Hi Lucy,

 

I've been really into this guy who I thought liked me but when I asked him he said he didn't and this hit me really hard and has taken me months to get over it. During that time because it was so hard for me I leaned on my friends a lot for support, mainly because one had had a similar situation before and the other said if I ever leaned to much she'd tell me. Recently though both friends have been very passive aggressive with me and when I asked why one said they were fed up with me and how long this has gone on for...even though she had a similar situation which went on much longer which makes me angry because of how hypocritical it is. The other friend said it was nothing personal but she continues not to talk to me and has been out with the other friend. I feel completely over the guy but now it feels like these friends won't let me move on even though they were not speaking to me because my moving on was taking so long. I just don't know what to do because I'm so upset with them but also really furious because it's clear they talked behind my back so I can't trust them. Also another friend who I messaged about the situation then showed the message the guy in question so I angrily told him I'd embellished the story so he'd get off my back about something else and he never replied. One of the other friends said she had seen it as well and it was another reason she was fed up. They said they wanted space and it’s been 2 weeks now. I'm just confused because with that request they made me feel like I've done something wrong when in my eyes they're being unkind selfish and have betrayed me and behaved like really bad friends, particularly since if the situation was reversed I would never be this way. So I don't know who is in the wrong?

Hi Scarlett,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

People take different amounts of time to get over things- there is no set limit on how long it should take to get over bad news, however it can be challenging for someone to hear the same problem repeatedly if they can't do anything to help.

Friends should be there for you- for however long it takes for you to get back to being yourself. Sometimes friendships can thrive on being honest with one another- which your friend was, perhaps because she was comparing you to her and how long it took her to get over her situation. In doing this she may have come to the conclusion she did. She may have had the same experience, however sometimes this can be a hindrance as much as a help because you will always fall back to talking about the one thing you know you have in common. This can stunt your progress in getting over something. Perhaps talking about it with you was bringing back bad memories for her and that could be why she told you the truth and took a step back.

There may have been some talking about you rather than to you-in which case- are you willing to discuss this with them? Tell them how you feel and let them do the same and then move on? Losing trust for someone after a feeling of 'betrayal' is hard to get back so this may take some more time to rebuild if you are all intent on being a group again.


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