Charlie asks :

Hi Lucy,

In January this year I started seeing a guy, we weren't together but we were going on dates together. It came out that he had kissed another woman on a night out however and after that we stopped contact for a while. I've never gotten over him though and recently we've seen a lot of each other again, but I'm unsure whether it’s just friends or he wants more again. The problem I have is, that because he messed me around in January, not many of my family or friends (even my parents) like him, their dislike has grown over the months to the point where my friends are getting angry with me for seeing him. I don't really know what to do, I want them both as friends but is that really ever going to happen? Thank you xox

Hi Charlie,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

If you were not together but dating, then it seems like you might have had an open relationship- in which case if he kissed another woman then he might have assumed it was ok to do so if you were not exclusive.

If you are unsure of where you stand then perhaps it might be time to ask him so you don’t find yourself in the same position. If you want monogamy and he wants to be with you romantically then it could be in your interest to lay down some ground rules first. This will help your both be clear where to draw the line.

Your parents and friends are likely trying to be protective of you- perhaps they don’t know the full story and assume he cheated on you. Perhaps one way for him to prove how much he deserves you is to give him another chance and hope that he treats you differently.

That said, if he felt strongly enough about you, even if you had not defined your relationship, then he perhaps should not have looked elsewhere or done anything with another woman. Relationships are as much about actions as they are words. If he was really keen to be with you then the hope was likely that he would not have had eyes for anyone else.  

It could be a sign that he is not in the right place to be faithful to you- so you might be better off as friends.

 


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