Yasmin asks :
Hi Lucy,
I am in a relationship with a man that has schizophrenia, recently we broke up because he got ill again and I got postnatal depression and had a psychotic episode and was in hospital for 3 weeks, I broke up with him whilst I was having my psychotic episode and said things that were quite hurtful, but afterwards I thought he would understand more than anyone that I didn’t mean a word I said. Now were back at home together after he’s said we will give it another go and he will go on his medication again, but he’s so distant and is nothing like what we used to be like, do I keep trying with him? Or is that it? I’ve tried asking him but he’s just shut off and refuses to talk to me about "us" even though the other day he rang me saying he misses me and wants my help. I need some affection from him but there’s nothing at all from him. I’m at breaking point. What do I do?
Our Reply
Hi Yasmin,
I would suggest that you enrol in some couples counselling if you are having trouble trying to deal with this on your own. Being a couple is difficult enough without having depression and schizophrenia in the mix, so it might be wise to ask for some outside help.
Relationships are about the rough with the smooth- however if you are both struggling with something big at the same time it can be hard to be understanding and supportive when you are looking for ways to recover yourself.
Perhaps suggest being finds until you both get in better control of your episodes? It is probably not for the best to keep breaking up as soon as one of you is having a particularly difficult moment. The inconsistency will probably work against you. You can still be there for each other but give yourself the time to breath and have some time to figure out what you need and work from there.
Perhaps enrol in some counselling with the doctor, of suggest he does too? A regular session with a professional might help to get some clarity on the situation and get stronger as individuals before coming together again.
Your priority is most likely you right now and his priority is probably him. Relationships don’t make individual’s problems go away it starts at the source.
Lucy x
tagged in Lucy Walton yin and yang counselling agony aunt hospital
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