What can you tell our readers about your new book Why French Children Don't Talk Back?
The attempt to "Frenchify" the way we raise our daughters started as a little experiment. I'd been hanging out with a French family here in New York City and noticed that their kids seemed work from a whole different playbook. A much mellower one. The French mom and I started talking about the differences in childrearing between the two countries, and the distinctions were fascinating to me. Then, I got excited at the thought that I could reign in my kids a little by trying out French "techniques." Because we don't live in France, it wasn't always easy (or even possible), but we ended up with something of a hybrid approach. Also, I discovered some aspects of the French parenting style that I didn't want to implement (for instance, they are big fans of shaming their children into compliance). At first, my kids were confused and resistant, but they soon accepted this French thing I was trying out. Then they forgot it was my "experiment" and as a family we've adopted many of the French lessons.
You are a mother of two, so how did you react to motherhood at first?
I am a mother of two, but I also have twelve siblings. Because of the enormity of the family I grew up with, I thought that motherhood would be a snap.
Ha! --- it was not. I'm not sure that I deserve all of the blame, though. My mother didn't feel the need to thoroughly research things like crib sheets or tummy time when I was a newborn, but by the time I started having kids, this kind of obsession was part of the job description. For the most part, I found that French mothers don't consume themselves with the teeny tiny details of their children's lives in the same way that we do here, and they aren't prone to the same kind of guilt regarding their performance as a mother.
A French mother is known as the chief, can you expand on this for us?
To be clear: it was a French friend of mine who once told me to be a bit more commanding with my kids by saying "after all Catherine, you are the chief."
I love being the boss! One day I just informed my girls that, although I often valued their opinions, I was the ultimate decision-maker. When the chief says to do something, you do it. I honestly don't know if this had ever been explained to them before as we'd previously negotiated over everything. It doesn't make sense to bargain with an irrational three-year-old. It sounds cruel at first, but it truly led to a more peaceful existence with fewer fights and tears.
You say that French children only expect one present on Christmas day, so do you believe that children who receive more presents are living in extravagance?
Well, one of the French families that I interviewed only gives one present on Christmas, but this is certainly not a French custom. I did notice that, in general, the French tend to give their children less in the way of material things like gifts and prizes for good behavior. This was fabulous for us because once my kids stopped expecting stuff all the time, they stopped begging for it.
What is the best piece of advice you can give to a parent?
"If there is no blood, don't get up" This is the advice I received from a French friend that really got me started on the whole experiment.
What have you learned from writing this book?
I could write a whole book for an answer! No really -- I think one of the most helpful things that I learned is that kids are much cooler and more flexible than we give them credit for. I don't think my kids enjoyed constantly fussing and talking back -- that's just sort of what they thought kids were supposed to do. Now, they are as happy as my husband and I that we can all hang out more peacefully. For my girls, this means that they are allowed into more of our adult existence since they aren't always hijacking it.
What is the best piece of feedback you have had from a parent?
Strangely enough, it's been coming from folks who don't have children. I'm still kind of shocked and completely satisfied when people say to me something like, "I don't really like kids and I'd never planned to have any, but yours are different. They are very easy to be with." I've heard this a few times now!
Click here to pre-order Why French Children Don't Talk Back by Catherine Crawford
Female First Lucy Walton
by Lucy Moore for www.femalefirst.co.uk
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