Melissa Hemmings
Observations from the Precipice follows the journey Eliza Wakeley takes in the period after her husband leaves her literally holding their baby and it follows her progress as she tries to regain her self-esteem and identity, whilst keeping it all together. She moves to a new village and with the help of her friends builds a new life for herself and her son. The book’s written from Eliza’s point of view and is an insight into how we cope in such circumstances.
Please tell us about the character of Eliza Wakeley.
Eliza has a natural wit and optimism. She embarks on self-help books during the twilight period after Lewis, her husband, leaves her and this leads her to try to be very noble and gracious. In the words of her best friend, Lydia, she contemplates her navel a lot - which leads to outpourings of poetry and wondrous thoughts via her blog “The Adventures of an Incompetent Mother”. She is coerced into joining an online dating website as Lydia wants Eliza to move on with her life. Eliza enters the world of online dating with skepticism as she’s been out of the dating game for a long time and she has the frailty women can empathize with, but also the levity we all have at times.
Why do women like to read about other women reinventing themselves after heartache?
When you have put your whole trust in someone and they casually throw it away it is literally debilitating both physically and emotionally. I believe that when your whole world has been turned upside down and you feel so isolated from the world you need to feel you’re not alone, that other people have been there and made it through. Moreover, their life can be better than they could ever have imagined before. We put up with relationships and situations for fear of change and being on our own but when it is enforced upon us, when our partner leaves us for example, we are forced to find the light at the end of the tunnel.
Why can relationships cloud our true selves like your character in the book?
I think we become what we think we should be, not what we naturally are. When you love someone you are willing to do anything to make them happy, even if it is to the detriment of yourself. When you’re out of that relationship and flying solo, after time your true self will prevail. It’s that old adage; you have to love yourself before you can love another.
What made you want to write about the subjects of single motherhood and internet dating?
I wrote it to show no matter how emotionally battered you feel, the human spirit with humour, time and positivity can turn things around.
When my marriage broke down I didn’t have a clue who I was anymore and I realized I’d become a person I didn’t recognize. I just functioned rather than lived. The responsibility of having a child changed me and my relationship with my husband profoundly. We are brought up to show everyone we can cope with life, and depression and the feeling of lack of self-worth is something we feel we should hide. Having spoken to other mothers there is a distinct feeling of loneliness, especially in the early years of having a child.
I adjusted to being a single mother better than being married, if I’m honest. I only had to worry about one person other than myself. Flung in at the deep end, I focused on my son and it gave me the will and determination to make our lives the best it could be. I moved to a new village and with the gung ho “you only live once” motto gaining momentum in our little household, decided to live life to the full again. I never wanted to feel the desperation I felt previously, again.
A friend of mine (much like in the book) nagged me into joining an online dating website. I’d never even thought of it previously - in my twenties I used to meet potential boyfriends in pubs, work, almost anywhere quite frankly. You got on and just started dating but add on ten years, a child and a lorry load of hang ups and it’s a whole different ball game. Coupled with the guy’s children, ex partners and their lorry load of hang ups, it’s a potential nerve riddled minefield.
I went on the dates as a test to myself, to see if I’d actually last the date without bailing out through stress. My self-esteem had taken quite a battering and confidence wasn’t something I possessed and I treated them a bit like a job interview. If could have taken along a personal CV to save on the small talk I probably would have done! I often feel a bit of an onlooker to situations and this is conveyed in the book through the Eliza character.
My natural love of people watching, however, made me enjoy the dates. I started writing down character traits of some of the guys I’d met and after one date when the poor chap actually spat his dinner out over me, realized that there was a book in this!
This is your debut, so was novel writing anything like you imagined?
I have friends who are authors and in my experience, they seem quite structured in their approach. I had my characters and knew them inside out and I also had the beginning and ending, but everything else was very fluid.
When I wrote the chapters I ran through conversations and scenarios and just typed them as they flowed, hence the style of writing in the book. I’m also a portrait artist so naturally creative but I absolutely loved the creativity of writing a novel. Portrait art is copying something already existing but this was something literally plucked out of my head! I just sat in front of a blank page and waited to see what my brain would come out with. It’s a comical book and I found myself laughing as my fingers were typing the words and when I read it now, it’s as if someone else has written it, as the writing was such a spontaneous act.
What is next for you?
From the feedback I’m receiving people are keen to know what happens next for Eliza. Truth be known, I am too! A second book has been started and I’m also working on some portrait work and illustrating a children’s book.