Oh, we've all been there. That heart-sinking moment when you realize your plans are going totally awry - and it's out of your control. It's not fun at all - and it's something that Andie, the heroine of my new novel The Unexpected Everything, deals with when her summer starts to go entirely off the rails, and all her carefully crafted plans fall down around her.
Morgan Matson
So here are my tips on what you can do when the whole world seems to be turning against you.
Take a deep breath.
I have a tendency to overreact in the moment and see things as the end of the world when sometimes they're just not (OR I haven't managed to get all the information). Give yourself a second to process what's happening before yelling or bursting into tears (plenty of time for that later!).
Talk to a friend.
I have text chains with all my friends, and the first thing I do when something doesn't go my way is to get out my phone and text them. Just sharing this information with someone will go a long way to making you feel loads better. If the situation is fixable, maybe they'll have some advice or a way to come at it from a different direction. And if it's not, just talking to someone will make you feel so much less alone. Maybe you want to talk to the friend who's a great listener. Maybe you want to talk to the friend who always makes you laugh. But just getting it off your chest is the first step to dealing with it.
Ice cream.
I truly believe that it is impossible to be unhappy whilst eating ice cream. It's like your brain won't allow it. It's a well-deserved treat when life isn't going according to your plans. If things aren't going well, the least the universe can do is provide you some delicious frozen treats to make up for it.
Go outside.
I find that when problems seem overwhelming and too much to handle, the best thing I can do for myself is to step outside and look around. Just being out in the world, and seeing some nature - even if it's just a tree or a city park - can do wonders for your stress levels. It really helps me - it kind of gives me perspective, and points out that there is a big, huge world beyond what I'm going through.
Try and see the bright side.
This is maybe the hardest one on the whole list! It takes me a long time to get to the point where I can see the good in a situation that's making me super unhappy. But I always start feeling better if I can try and see it as something other than the worst thing that's ever happened to me. And the only way I can usually get there is by making…
A pros and cons list.
This is what always helps me to try and see the bright side. I go through all the things I'm feeling, both good and bad. Just trying to see the other side can really help. Like if I didn't get a job I was dying to get - what are the benefits of not getting it? Don't have to face a longer commute, don't have to leave my best work friend, etc. And also - this leaves open the possibility for finding something even better. I really do believe that things happen for a reason, and if life isn't going your way, it just means something great is coming along soon.
Go and do something fun (preferably something that requires concentration and/or running around).
There's nothing worse than sitting around the house, thinking about what's not going right in your life, going over and over it in your mind. Sometimes, you really need to shake this off, and I've found the best way to do this - to stop torturing yourself mentally - is to do something physical.
A few months ago, I had just gotten some really disappointing news. I was slumped on my couch, feeling sorry for myself, preparing to stay in for the night. But it was a friend's birthday at a laser tag place - and I'd committed to it months ago. So I dragged myself off the couch, put on some mascara, and went, grumbling in my head the whole way.
And I had the best time. Two hours later, I was happy and exhausted from trying not to get tagged by opponents' lasers, and trying to keep our base out of enemy hands. It wasn't until I was walking back to my car that I even remembered what had happened earlier. Anything that can get you out of your head is a good thing!
Do something you love.
There's nothing more disappointing than when things go your way - but this is not the time to beat yourself up or make yourself feel worse. This is the moment to be really kind to yourself, and do something that will make you happy. Maybe it's meeting up with your best friend. Maybe it's getting a spa treatment, or taking a long bath, or watching your favorite movie with a bowl of popcorn. Whatever makes you happy - this is the time to do it.
Take stock.
Once I've gotten past the sting of a disappointment, the next thing I always do, once I have some perspective, is to try and take a step back and think about what this means. Was there something I could have done differently? Sometimes there just isn't - stuff is beyond your control, and there's just nothing to be done about that, unfortunately! I just like looking at what's happened with some perspective. Even if there wasn't anything I could have done - what can I learn from this? What can I take away from this? It always makes me feel a little bit better if I feel like I can take something good away from a terrible experience. It cuts the sting of it a little bit!
Make a plan.
There's nothing I like better than making a plan. It makes me feel in control of a situation, and gives me something to look forward to! Once I've dusted myself off from a disappointment and am ready to move on from it, the next thing I do is make a plan for what's coming next. I like to have two - one being more realistic, dealing with the way my life actually looks right now. And then I like to have one crazy, pie-in-the-sky, the sky's-the-limit plan. Just setting out new plans and new goals makes me feel better about whatever disappointment has just happened. I don't need that thing that didn't work out - because look at these amazing plans I have for the future! When things aren't going well in the present, the best thing you can do is plan to have your future be as amazing as possible.
Morgan Matson worked as a teen book editor and is now a full-time writer. Her books include Amy & Roger's Epic Detour, Second Chance Summer, Since You've Been Gone and The Unexpected Everything. She lives in Los Angeles.