What do I really want? It’s the question that plagues Hayley—the main character from my upcoming release, Secrets, Lies & Revelations. For as long as she can remember, Hayley St. Clair has had her priorities set in stone. She knows what she wants from life, and never had reason to question it. Until, that is, she meets Detective Colton Deluca. Colt opens Hayley’s eyes, and forces her to look deep within herself and ask the truly difficult question—what do I really want?

Secrets, Lies and Revelations

Secrets, Lies and Revelations

All the characters in my Beautiful Sinners series have flaws—very real faults that, I think, make them a little more relatable than your typical romance novel cast. We have seen infidelity, deception, vanity, insecurity, pride and a whole host of other deadly sins. Hayley herself has her fair share of faults. Appearances are everything to her, as are her creature comforts. She wants to be treated like a princess, and to find her perfect prince charming that will happily oblige. So when she meets Colt, a born and bred Brooklynite that calls things like he sees them, she knows he’s not the guy for her. Even if he looks like freaking Thor.

Hayley’s happiness, and what she thinks she needs to achieve it, is a constant theme throughout the book. And, as a result, made me curious enough to wonder myself. What do I want? When you’re a kid, the answer is fairly simple. Longer playtime. A bag of sweets. Christmas to come early. To stay up past bedtime. As we get older, the list of wants grows, and sometimes become infinitely harder to achieve. A pay rise. That bag you saw in that shop window. A boyfriend. A boyfriend who’s flippin’ gorgeous. A proposal. Children. Children who sleep. Your life back. And generally, once we have achieved one or more of these things, something else swiftly arrives to take its place on the list. A new item to lust over until payday. For your husband to actually notice where the washing basket is and not leave his clothes near it. For a night out with your friends so you can answer to your name, and not mum for a night. Hmm…maybe those are things from my list!

But what is it about these things that make us think they will bring us happiness? The scary part of wants and desires, is what happens if you get them, only to discover happiness wasn’t in fact at the bottom of the rainbow?

This is the startling discovery Hayley makes. 

Happiness is a multi-faceted thing. Happiness comes in the form of that new book you’ve been aching to read, a surprise from your partner, your kid hugging you for no reason other than they were compelled to do so. Getting the job you worked your arse off for, marrying the person of your dreams and knowing you’re starting your happily ever after.

I think it’s important to dig deep, to really push yourself to ask what it is that will make you happy. Not just right now, for instant gratification, but for the long term. Because there is a huge difference between what you think will bring you happiness, and what actually will. It’s also perfectly fine to not have a Scooby Doo what you want. Ask. Ask again. Challenge yourself. Push yourself. But keep asking. Because eventually you’ll find the answer. Better yet—maybe the answer will find you.

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