Chrissy Teigen is "full of regret" that she never looked at her baby son's face.
Chrissy Teigen
The 35-year-old model was struck by tragedy in September when she lost her son – whom she had already named Jack – halfway through her pregnancy, and she admitted she "hurts every day" because she doesn't know what the tot looked like because she'd been so scared about having nightmares.
Marking the fact she was due to give birth this week, Chrissy shared some photos from a video shoot she'd done with husband John Legend - with whom she has Luna, four, and two-year-old Miles - early in her pregnancy for his song 'Wild' and admitted she doesn't think she'll ever be able to watch the footage again.
She wrote: "these are from our video shoot for Wild in Mexico. I was 10 weeks along and out of my mind happy. I knew the video would take a bit to get together so thought it would be cute to share our news with the world through the ol classic hand on belly trick at the end. I could have never imagined what would happen over the next 10 weeks...not sure I’ll ever be able to watch that video again without sobbing but I hope he feels my tears and knows we miss him so.
"He would have been here any day now - if he were like Luna and Miles, I’d probably be holding him as we speak.
"I am so full of regret that I didn’t look at his face when he was born. I was so scared of seeing him in my nightmares that I forgot about seeing him in my dreams. I hurt every day from that remorse.
"This month is a rough reminder and to be honest, I thought the worst was over but I guess life and emotions aren’t on any sort of schedule. Love you guys to pieces and am grateful for all your support and love. I firmly believe energy and healing travels through the night sky and I feel it, I promise I do. [Heart emoji] and I love you jack. I miss you so so much.(sic)"
The 'Lip Sync Battle' star's post came shortly after she arrived back home after undergoing surgery to treat endometriosis, a painful condition where tissues grow outside of the uterus.
She shared a series of sleepy-looking videos on her Instagram Story, in which she showed fans her stomach, which was bandaged with three small gauze squares, each decorated with a heart design.
She said in the clips: I thought I would be really good after...
" My whole belly is numb. It'll be numb for a couple of days.
"That makes it hard to even, like, cough, and stuff, but it is truly still better than the contractions and the pain of endo...
"I don't feel great but tomorrow's gonna be worse, so yeah...(sic)"
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