Discipline isn't about punishment; it's about teaching your child to behave in a way that fits with your family rules and is widely socially acceptable. Here are some common tactics and the best ways to ensure good behaviour.
There isn't one right way to get children to behave themselves. Your child's temperament, your parenting style and the situation will all influence the methods you use.
A quiet, timid child may need only gentle guidance, for example. A more defiant, stubborn child who hates being controlled will probably be more of a challenge, and if you have a similar nature it could be a recipe for conflict.
Teach by example. Children learn a lot about how to behave and cope with situations by copying adults, and that usually means you. If you don't want your child to behave aggressively, don't let him see you behaving that way either.
Child-proof your home. Put valuable, breakable and dangerous objects (and, therefore, temptation) out of your child's reach.
Keep your sense of humour. Make an effort to be positive and to try to see the funny side of your child's behaviour, if appropriate.
Handle stress. If you feel under pressure or there are a lot of other stresses in your life, it can seem harder to cope with a demanding child. It's important to take some time for yourself and work at ways of keeping stress to a minimum.
Adopting a negative attitude by always expecting your child to be naughty or overreacting when small acts of misbehaviour occur, can lead to unhappiness and tension for you and your child. If you spend most of your day stressed out, trying to control behaviour and forcing your child to do as he's told, you won't have time to enjoy the fun side of being a parent.
Positive discipline means working at building good communication, listening to your child's views, but not being afraid to set clear limits and boundaries. Try these tips:
Always look for your child's good behaviour and praise it.
Turn a blind eye to minor annoying behaviour and naughtiness.
Reserve battles and occasions when you have to say no for those times when there's no choice - usually when your child's safety is at stake.
Dealing with your child's behaviour will be less stressful for all involved if you follow these helpful hints.
Don't expect too much. It's normal for toddlers to test your reactions by doing things over and over, even after you've told them not to. This is how they learn what's acceptable and what the limits are.
Put yourself in your child's shoes. Think back to how you felt as a child and how unfair the adult world often seemed.
Have routines. These help your child feel secure and there'll be less need for conflict if your child expects things to happen in a certain way or at a particular time. For example, he'll (eventually) know it's bedtime after he's had a bath and brushed his teeth.
Set reasonable limits. Children seldom feel secure if they're allowed to do what they want. In fact, some may behave worse to discover what the boundaries are.
Keep family rules to a minimum. Young children can be overwhelmed by too many rules that they can't possibly remember, never mind stick to.
Be realistic. A lot of the behaviour parents call naughty or disobedient is just a normal part of development. Younger toddlers want to touch everything to find out how it works. Older toddlers are trying to assert their independence. If you talk with other parents you'll probably find they too are having - or have had - similar experiences.
Some behaviour you might think of as naughty is actually developmentally appropriate. A toddler may mess with her food, for example, while learning how to feed herself. Here are some of the other common causes:
Wanting company. Small children will do almost anything to get your attention. That's why it's important to praise them when they're behaving well; if you only take notice when they're doing something bad, they'll keep behaving that way.
Feeling angry. Sometimes toddlers will try get back at people they feel have treated them badly. Acknowledge your child's feelings of anger; say "You must have felt really mad at Linda for grabbing your toy," for example.
Feeling powerless. Toddlers are only too aware they have little control over their world, and if they feel particularly annoyed and helpless they may hit out.
Showing they feel bad. Young children sometimes communicate things they can't put into words through their behaviour. They may feel anxious or upset, perhaps. Offer more love, cuddles and sympathy rather than punishing your child.
Always make allowances if your child is overtired or ill - behaviour is always likely to be worse for a while.
Looking after children requires a lot of energy and effort, and no one can keep up positive discipline perfectly all the time. There will be days when it gets on top of you. All parents do things they regret sometimes. If this happens, say you're sorry, reassure your child that you love them, explain that your behaviour wasn't appropriate and try again. This teaches children a valuable lesson.