Game Of Thrones is getting fully into the swing of things and our TV editor couldn’t be happier.
After coming back from his fortnight long ski trip to Wildling Country, our TV editor’s here to give us his minute by minute thoughts of the third episode of the third series of Game Of Thrones. Which, by the way, you really shouldn’t be reading if you’ve not seen the show yet.
4 Mins: Err, we seem to have wandered in on the worst archer ever. Is he going to blame a wonky bow now or something or keep just being pants? This is the reason why you light the boat on fire before you push it away so that you can’t mess up the whole Viking funeral pyre thing.
7 Mins: Wow, this guy’s just the worst! I don’t think he’ll be making the rank of General any time soon. With oafs like that, Tywin’s got the war won.
9 Mins: Worst dinner party crowd ever. They’ve got have the worst small talk ever at those meetings. Also, when it comes to chair moving, anything Cersei can do, Tyrion can do better.
12 Mins: And this week on Westeros Has Talent…. Well, it’s still better than The Voice. Good to see that Brienne and Jaime can squabble even in the most dire of circumstances.
15 Mins: Where can I get a loaf like that! Looks so much better than the average Warburton’s. Bye bye Hot Pie, you’re now the world’s first novelty baking slave.
18 Mins: As much as I’m glad that Michelle Fairley is getting some more screen time and material to sink her teeth into, I really don’t hope she’s going to be this moody throughout. She needn’t worry, Bran’s now a freaking wizard.
20 mins: Eeesh, and animal activists want the Grand National banned. Really hope they never make it north of the wall.
22 mins: C’mon Mance, you know better than that, why can’t you and the crows team up and go zombie hunting. In the meantime, it’s back to the weirdest little house on the prairie for the Nightswatch.
25 mins: First it was The Walking Dead, then X Factor, now Call The Midwife? This show’s now trying to copy everyone out there.
27 mins: Simon from Misfits is back for more than a 10 second cameo. Also Theon, no one wants to be Lord of The Iron Islands, it’s so grim it makes Winterfell look like Disneyland.
30 mins: Poor Jorah. First he gets instantly friend-zoned, now he’s getting overruled by Barristan. This trip across the ocean with Daenerys isn’t going as planned for him I think.
32 mins: Translation comedy makes a much welcomed return.
34 mins: NO! Don’t do it Dany! I really hope you have a plan forming under that incredible set of locks, as I want all the dragon action I can get.
40 mins: Bronn instantly wins the nick-name game there and then. Tyrion really knows how to treat a guy well. He always says a Lannister pays his debts.
42 mins: Westeros has even more debt than Greece. Hope we don’t get an episode when we discuss their credit rating.
45 mins: Theon Greyjoy is perhaps the most useless character ever. At least Hot Pie can bake awesome bread, you can just hit on your sister! I was waiting for a full on Misfits style ‘Save me Barry!’ towards the end. Wait, did he just say “Winter is coming”. Is Simon a Stark?
49 mins: Just when we think that Jaime Lannister is a complete villain, he goes and pulls a trick like that. He might have some good in him after all beneath the psychopathic, incestuous layers above.
53 mins: OH SWEET LORD HIS HAND! I knew something bad was going to happen but I wasn’t expecting that! Wow Game Of Thrones, just wow. Can I now hibernate until next week so I can find out what happens next to Luke Skywalker?
What your thoughts on last night’s episode and its incredible finale? Let us know in the comments section.
Tagged in Game Of Thrones