Marriage is hard – we get it. Whether it’s living with wet towels on the floor habit, or negotiating ownership of the remote control, it can be difficult sharing your life with someone.
But, according to Sarah Platt, who’s handled numerous divorce cases in her role as family solicitor at leading law firm Kirwans, there are certain issues which can prove fatal to marital bliss.
Here are ten of the most common complaints Sarah hears from those seeking a divorce:
For most couples, this is a deal-breaker. Whether it’s a one-night stand, or a full-blown affair, the loss of trust that occurs when one person cheats can kill any relationship stone dead.
“While some couples can eventually overcome an affair,” says Sarah, “for others, the betrayal is impossible to overcome.”
Take your partner for granted
Familiarity breeds contempt . . . or so the saying goes. If you stop really seeing your partner and noticing the positive things that they do, they will soon start feeling that you no longer care.
Forget about sex
Allowing one of the most basic bonds of your relationship to slide can trigger a loss of physical and emotional intimacy that can be disastrous for a relationship.
Have money secrets
“When going through divorce proceedings, spouses’ financial affairs need to be exposed,” says Sarah. “It’s alarming how many people have either built up their own secret savings pot in preparation for a split, or run up huge debts without their partner’s knowledge, and these secrets are usually seen as a huge breach of trust by the other person.”
Allow differing parenting views to cause conflict
Parenting is not an exact science, and can be the cause of numerous rows as as children get older and new issues emerge. Failing to take your partner’s views into account can leave them feeling belittled and ignored.
Communication is absolutely key to a relationship, yet so many people find it extremely difficult to do so effectively. Talking should always be the first port of call when there’s a marital problem, with topics raised in a non-confrontational, constructive manner.
Give your parents open access to your marriage
From dictating where you and your husband should go on holiday to telling you how you should raise your children, allowing parents too much involvement can cause huge marital woes.
Don’t pull your weight in the house
It’s the subject of many a ‘nagging wife’ joke, but failing to pull your weight in the house can work both ways, and can cause real unhappiness and frustration for the person who’s left doing the lion’s share of the work.
Don’t make time for each other
It’s a sad fact that, as the years go on, children and careers can take up so much of our time that there’s often not much left to devote to partners, leading to a feeling that they’re no longer valued or even loved.
Believe in the fairy tale
Unfortunately, marriage isn’t a fairy tale. There will be rows, there will be tears, there will be times when your partner seems less attractive than others, but hopefully there will always be love. The sooner you realise that, the greater chance there is that your marriage will survive.