Engagements and marriages are great and joyous events for the Roma, signifying the extension and continuation of the family. For this reason, they are accompanied by great celebrations. Marriage signifies a change in position of the married couple in Roma society as full and productive members of the community. All Roma are expected to marry. The customs and rituals for engagements and marriages described here are traditional and vary for the many Roma tribes around the world.
Engagements
In spite of myths of Roma immorality, most Roma follow strict rules of sexual behavior. He or she is expected to marry someone within their particular tribe and most Roma conform by marrying within their group. Even with respect to other Roma, permissible marriage choices may be restricted. This is a way of maintaining tribal and social purity. If a Roma male marries a gadji, his community may eventually accept her, provided that she adopts the Romani way of life. But it is a worse violation of the marimé code for a Roma female to marry a gadjo, because Roma women are the guarantors for the survival of the population. In the case of a mixed marriage, many tribes consider the children Roma only if the father is Roma. Roma expect females to be virgins when they marry and to remain faithful to their husbands until death. The potential for defilement is greatly heightened at marriage because Roma perceive it as the end of a woman's innocence. Traditionally, marriages for Roma have occurred early, after age nine but usually before age fourteen. Gajikane influence has undermined this tradition in many countries.
The first step in contemplating marriage is the selection of the bride. In many parts of the world, this is done just as it would be done in non-Roma society. The boy does the courting, and when the young couple agree to marry they become engaged and exchange modest gifts. Parents are consulted, but the decision is made by the young people.
Many Roma tribes still maintain the institution of bride price. This is a payment made by the family of the groom to the family of the bride. It compensates them for the loss of a daughter and guarantees that she will be treated well.
For many Roma tribes it is the parents, and not the young people, who arrange the marriage. The prospective bride and groom might be consulted, but their opinions are rarely considered in making a final decision. According to these tribes, it is an essential and important duty of the parents to find a bride suitable for their son. They carefully consider all the young, unmarried women in the group, evaluating their individual qualities.
Because of integration into non-Roma societies, many young couples have opposed arranged engagements and marriages and have eloped. Elopement consists simply of the couple leaving together for a period of time. When they return they are chastised and sometimes pay a nominal fine. They usually are accepted as a married couple in time.
The family plays an active part in marriage formalities that, to non-Roma eyes, may seem lengthy and elaborate. First, there are prolonged discussions between the parents, particularly over the amount of the darro, or dowry. This is a sum meant to compensate for the potential earning power of the bori, or daughter-in-law, who has been taken from her family to join that of her new in-laws.
Physical appearance is least important in selecting a bride. The prospective brides are judged on their merits, such as health, stamina, strength, dispositions, manners, and domestic skills. The character of the girl's family, as well as their prestige in the community, is also taken into account.
In these cases, no courtship is involved. It is possible that the prospective couple will hardly know each other before they marry. They will usually send a third, uninvolved person to hear out the girl's parents on the acceptability of the young man. Rejection of a formal proposal is considered a disgrace. If all goes well, the father of the boy then calls on the father of the girl. It is a polite and rather serious meeting. The purpose is to obtain the formal consent of the girl's father, and to establish a price to be paid for the bride. This money is to compensate the father for the loss of his daughter, and not as the purchase of a bride.
The discussion can be a long one, centering on the estimated value of the future bride. All the future bride's desired qualities are taken into consideration. In addition, the girl's father calculates how much his daughter has cost him since birth, since he is in effect giving her away. His money and training have helped make her what she is. At these meetings, the discussions can become quite serious. Sometimes it is necessary to call in friends as witnesses to the bride's good qualities. They may argue for a higher price on her behalf, or to call in other friends to mediate. Pliashka
When an agreement is reached, and the bride price is accepted, the meeting ends with the father of the future bride drinking a symbolic glass of wine. This means that the boy has been formally approved as a husband for his daughter, under the agreed conditions. Following the formal agreement of terms, there is often a banquet, complete with music, singing, and dancing. The bride-to-be and her family often feign great sorrow at having to leave each other. The groom's family may complain about the high bride price they had to pay. In the end, they decide that the price is fair for a bride who will be a good wife to their son.
Frequently, a few days after the agreement has been made, a ceremony called a pliashka, or plotchka, is held. This event is attended by both friends and relatives of the couple. The symbol of this joyous celebration is a bottle of wine or brandy wrapped in a brightly colored silk handkerchief, brought to the ceremony by the young man's father. A necklace of gold coins is traditionally attached to the bottle. The groom-to-be's father takes the necklace of coins and puts it around the future bride's neck, and warmly embraces his future daughter-in-law, or bori. The necklace makes it clear to all that the girl is now engaged and not available as a bride to any other man. The groom-to-be's father drinks from the bottle and passes it around to the guests. When the bottle is emptied, it is refilled with wine or brandy for use at the wedding celebration.
Engagements and marriages are great and joyous events for the Roma, signifying the extension and continuation of the family. For this reason, they are accompanied by great celebrations. Marriage signifies a change in position of the married couple in Roma society as full and productive members of the community. All Roma are expected to marry. The customs and rituals for engagements and marriages described here are traditional and vary for the many Roma tribes around the world.
Engagements
In spite of myths of Roma immorality, most Roma follow strict rules of sexual behavior. He or she is expected to marry someone within their particular tribe and most Roma conform by marrying within their group. Even with respect to other Roma, permissible marriage choices may be restricted. This is a way of maintaining tribal and social purity. If a Roma male marries a gadji, his community may eventually accept her, provided that she adopts the Romani way of life. But it is a worse violation of the marimé code for a Roma female to marry a gadjo, because Roma women are the guarantors for the survival of the population. In the case of a mixed marriage, many tribes consider the children Roma only if the father is Roma. Roma expect females to be virgins when they marry and to remain faithful to their husbands until death. The potential for defilement is greatly heightened at marriage because Roma perceive it as the end of a woman's innocence. Traditionally, marriages for Roma have occurred early, after age nine but usually before age fourteen. Gajikane influence has undermined this tradition in many countries.
The first step in contemplating marriage is the selection of the bride. In many parts of the world, this is done just as it would be done in non-Roma society. The boy does the courting, and when the young couple agree to marry they become engaged and exchange modest gifts. Parents are consulted, but the decision is made by the young people.
Many Roma tribes still maintain the institution of bride price. This is a payment made by the family of the groom to the family of the bride. It compensates them for the loss of a daughter and guarantees that she will be treated well.
For many Roma tribes it is the parents, and not the young people, who arrange the marriage. The prospective bride and groom might be consulted, but their opinions are rarely considered in making a final decision. According to these tribes, it is an essential and important duty of the parents to find a bride suitable for their son. They carefully consider all the young, unmarried women in the group, evaluating their individual qualities.
Because of integration into non-Roma societies, many young couples have opposed arranged engagements and marriages and have eloped. Elopement consists simply of the couple leaving together for a period of time. When they return they are chastised and sometimes pay a nominal fine. They usually are accepted as a married couple in time.
The family plays an active part in marriage formalities that, to non-Roma eyes, may seem lengthy and elaborate. First, there are prolonged discussions between the parents, particularly over the amount of the darro, or dowry. This is a sum meant to compensate for the potential earning power of the bori, or daughter-in-law, who has been taken from her family to join that of her new in-laws.