anne asks :
My husband and I have been to Las Vegas several times but he has now booked to go with our two sons and excluded me. Am I right to feel jealous?
Yin replies
This seems very out of the blue and unusual for you then - so no wonder you are feeling jealous and excluded. But is there a special reason? Does your husband want to treat your sons to some Dad and Lads time because of their age, or because he feels they need some time to bond as men?
Have you talked to your husband about why? I would suggest that you don’t get the pointing finger out and try to hide your jealousy but approach your husband (away from your sons), and just ask why it is he feels he wants to go without you on this particular trip.
Say you understand he might want to, but obviously feel a bit left out and so want to see what the motivation is. Perhaps you could suggest all going, but that you leave them all to do some boys’ stuff while you do some girls’ stuff. Could you even persuade a friend to go along, or a female relative?
Don’t let it just happen without addressing your feelings, but do step back and ask yourself if it’s a nice thing for him to want to do?
Plenty of mum with daughters go away on girlie holidays - it’s maybe just that you can’t do that and so feel left out. The difference is, most dads are happy for mums and daughters to go away!
Yang replies
It’s out of order if he hasn’t approached you before suggesting it - and I assume you usually plan holidays together.
Are you financially linked with a joint account? If so, there is the issue of discussing the finances before making a leap like this. You don’t mention how old your sons are, so it’s hard to say much more really.
If you want to go, you should assert yourself and go. If it’s a case of either you or the boys go, then it’s really up to you to decide what’s fair.
Couldn’t you plan your own treat while they’re away? Are you being needy and jealous because you feel you have been left out? Ask yourself your motivations before you act.
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