Anonymous asks :
My partner wants me to lose weight, but he doesn't understand the issues I've had with food in the past. I had ongoing but mild eating disorder symptoms for several years and its only in the last couple of years I've managed to shake it off and feel much better about myself - I've put weight on since then but I am still nowhere near overweight - I have an active, healthy lifestyle. In all other respects our relationship is great - and I love him so I want to make him happy but I don't really want to go back to how I was before. I find it so frustrating that I just happen not to fit his aesthetic ideals; I am naturally pear-shaped so for me to get skinny legs takes an awful lot of effort and the only time I've managed it was through a rather unhealthy, unhappy lifestyle. But I am finding it really hard to accept that he wishes I was thin again and he can't understand any of the psychological difficulty to do with food that I went through in the past. I can't be comfortable with myself in this relationship knowing that he is not as attracted to me now.
Yin replies
Yin / Tyler
Lucy says:
Firstly, congratulations for getting through, even if mild, eating disorder symptoms, a lot of people who suffer from these types of symptoms can take years and a lot of professional help to get back to normal. Well done. The most important thing is that you are happy with you. Have you told him what you went through in order to look the way you did? If he loves you then surely it would mean more to him that you are healthy than unhealthy just to make him feel better. If you are leading an active lifestyle and are a healthy BMI then this is what every doctor would like to see of their patients. If you go back to the way you were before you run the risk of your symptoms turning from mild to severe and this is not something you want to toy with. Sometimes we have to settle with what our natural body shape is and if that is pear shaped then this is fine. If the only way you can achieve the athletic build your boyfriend requires is by being unhappy is it really worth jeopardising your health for him? If he cannot be supportive of this part of your life and wants you to change it sounds like he is not the one for you. It seems that the only way you can be comfortable is to leave.
Yang replies
Yang / Lydia
Cameron says:
Firstly, what matters most is your health, so massive kudos on being able to get over your gremlins. Now, personally speaking, there isn’t anything more attractive than a girl comfortable and confident with herself, and that won’t be possible if he’s undermining you like this. If he loves you and knows what you’ve been through, then he shouldn’t be doing this. You should never do anything you’re not comfortable with when it comes to your body and him wanting you to do this despite everything that’s happened goes completely against that. No guy is worth causing yourself harm over, be it emotional, physical or anything in between. As painful as it might be, if he’s telling you he’s only attracted to you when you’re not well, then it’s time to walk away from this before you get damaged.
tagged in weight issues
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