Becky asks :
Hi I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and I love him very much. Before that, my "friend with benefits" was my boyfriends best friend but neither mind- it's all in the past. We recently all went out for my birthday, and got really drunk. Someone brought up having a threesome (something my boyfriend had never showed interest in before) and being drunk we all came back to mine. So the threesome came about and me and boyfriend were engaging and so were me and his friend. But then, and this is my problem, my boyfriend and his friend started kissing (with tongues) and I watched my boyfriend give him oral sex. Now at the time I was drunk, turned on, but still shocked. In the morning I was in tears. My boyfriend said it was a big mistake, he'd never done anything like that before and in the moment wanted 'to see what it was like'. I feel confused- is my boyfriend a bit gay or was it one of those drunken moments with no control? I'm concerned it could happen again if they go out drinking together only without me?! Please give your advice- I have said I'd forget and move on but recently every time he touches me and kisses me my head goes back to that night and the two men together.
Yin replies
Being drunk gives you the courage to do lot of things that you wouldn’t normally, so I have no reason to doubt that your boyfriend was experimenting. Perhaps, he has always wanted to and just never got the chance and this opportunity meant that he didn’t have to label himself as ‘gay’ to do it. If this is not something that you have ever discussed then it will be a shock. This could go both ways. If he wants to experiment more, e.g. have sex with the other guy when it may result in him going behind your back. If this happens then it is no different to if he were cheating with a girl, he doesn’t have your consent and you need to break up with him.
However, if he wants to keep experimenting as do you, then this could be a regular meeting, only if you want it to be. It gives you all the chance of adding a bit if change to your relationship and keeping things fresh. This does also have to include the consent fo the other guy, if he is not game then you have less to worry about.
Yang replies
The important thing is to be honest with one another. If you don’t want to do it again, then you need to voice your concerns, similarly, if he has feelings for this guy, or about any other guy, he needs to speak up. It may be that he is bisexual but still ants to be with you; it could be that he has been gay all along and has hidden it until now; it could be just as he says; one silly night of experimentation. Have the talk; otherwise you are going to get hurt and jealous every time he sets foot out the door.
tagged in Kisses Gay yin and yang
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