Ellie asks :
I went against one of the top rules my friends gave me when starting university, I fell for a flatmate. Things started off fun and romantic, and I was given the attention I craved. Being a fresher it was always in the back of my mind that it was just a fling, and to be careful as we had to live the rest of the year together. Things seemed to remain casual, and to coincide with the student lifestyle turned into drunken sex. However i developed feelings for him. As this relationship was developed from first getting to know each other, we managed to maintain a healthy friendship. In fact i'd consider him a very good friend. As we live in student halls we are very much around each other, in fact its pretty much 24/7. Others have commented that we are 'like a married couple' and will end up like 'one day'. I recently found out that during the 'fling' he'd asked a mutual friend if he should ask me out. I was elated to discover this, however later became slightly disheartened. I have a lot of confidence issues and found myself constantly worrying i'd said the wrong thing, done something wrong for it to have not happened. We both had issues with previous partners, as our relationships had both ended just as we started university. I convinced myself that it was a rebound thing, and tried to meet other people and move on. However since then we have sleep together on drunken occasions, and during a very heightened argument he told me he cared a lot for me, and became very defensive of me when I had issues with an abusive ex. I have been on spring break for the last 3 weeks, and found myself to be missing him desperately. I think part of it being that I know what it is like to be involved with him romantically and want it to happen again. He is a very proud person and cagey with his true feelings, I again find myself questioning if he does still have feelings for me, as i have seen him so harshly cut other girls out of his life, yet I am still part of it. I find myself feeling very down about the situation, and do not like to admit my feelings to friends, as many of them are mutual. I feel an outside opinion might help me put things into perspective.
Yin replies
Yin / Tyler
Lucy says:
Falling for a flatmate is usually a recipe for disaster as you do have to live with one another regardless of what goes on. If he has asked another person if he can ask you out then he clearly wanted something more too. What did your friend tell him? If he hasn’t asked you out yet, he may well have changed his mind, as he will be worried about the same things as you are. He is displaying the signs of wanting to be with you, i.e. being defensive over the ex situation, however this could be because he is simply being protective as a friend. The fact the he told you he cared for you when he was drunk is another indicator that he wants to be with you as we are usually more truthful when we have had a few to let our guards down. The only way you are going to get past this it to ask him. Take him to one side and be honest with one another. It is not good guessing his feelings as you can go back and forth for a long time, clear the air and be a couple or stay friends and move on.
Yang replies
Yang / Lydia
Cameron says:
Ask him out already! If he’s not yet made the first move, this is probably due to confidence issues on his part. He may have been hurt before exposing himself to someone emotionally so is being very cautious. If he’s secretive about his feelings, then he’s not likely to make a move that clearly. That he said he cares about you during a fight shows that he actually means it, his emotions will have been more exposed then and the filters will have been turned off. If you like this guy and you have chemistry both sexual and conversationally, then just ask him out instead. If you’re missing him, then you obviously really like this guy, don’t let that pass you by. Take the risk if he won’t.
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