Kelly asks :
Hi Lucy,
Is it okay to want 'me time' in a long term relationship? I am 23. We have been together for over 5 years and have a 4 year old daughter together. We got pregnant within 5 months and then moved in. We have only just recently got engaged, however I am wanting to go back to my mums for a bit to 'find me' again. We both work in the same place. We are together 100% of the time. Is this selfish of me? Kelly
Hi Kelly,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Even if you have been together a while- moving in can still seem like a big step. The best relationships are those where both partners are comfortable doing things together and apart. There is nothing wrong with ‘me time’. It is impossible that two people can have everything in common with one another, hence why it’s beneficial to find others to share your individual passions with.
Perhaps talk to your partner and work a system that allows both of you some time off from each other during the week. If you pick up a hobby or pastime that you enjoy and make it a regular thing so he knows when he is required to look after your daughter and vice versa. This will ensure that you are getting the time apart that you need to do something that doesn’t involve him. That way you can have some variety in your conversation when you talk about what you have done when you have gone your separate ways. Even if you don’t go out- perhaps some time to get a bath, or pamper yourself and ask him not to disturb you. Anything so that you get some time for just you.
Could you stay at your mums once or twice a week for some respite rather than moving back? Whatever you decide it’s important to communicate with your partner and tell him why you are doing it- or he might get the wrong impression about why you are leaving and worry. If you are feeling this way chances are he is too so if you can find a way to allow this time for each other then you should both be in a better place for it.
tagged in Pregnancy daughter yin and yang agony aunt
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