Lara asks :
Hi Lucy,
I’m 21 years old and have never had a proper boyfriend. Most of my friends have one and up until last year I didn't really care but now I crave that love and attention they get. I think it’s because over the past year I have been involved with 3 different guys so I’ve had the experience of what this could be like. The first guy ditched me after a month to get back with his ex, the second only lasted a few weeks as he met another girl and began seeing her instead but the most recent lasted 3 months and I ended things when he admitted to only looking for something casual as he had just come out of a long term relationship and is a third year university student so has a load of work to do. However, I'm pretty sure he was lying to me about that as I have recently seen photos on Facebook of him and another girl and all his friends have been liking the pics and commenting stuff like 'cute' on them. My friends tell me I am really pretty, friendly, trustworthy and would make a great girlfriend so if this is so why can I catch them but not keep them? Please help me as I am having such a hard time getting over the last guy. :(
Our Reply
Hi Lara,
It sounds like you have had a run of bad luck with the wrong men.
Let us look at each one. The first guy was not over his ex, so no reflection on you; he simply should not have entered into anything without feeling completely rid of his feelings with his previous girlfriend.
The second sounds like he was simply not a good match for you- perhaps you had different values and in the end he found them in someone else, just as you can with another man.
The third, for all we know could be having causal relationship with this girl, so is not talking up as much of his time as you think. He may have also lied to you, in which case do you want to be with someone like that?
Try to put behind you what has been and learn from it. By now you should be able to identify the warning signs for guys who are not right for you and be able to dodge these in pursuit of ‘the one’.
If you want to get over this guy then perhaps stop looking on his Facebook page. Second guessing who the girl is and what they are doing together will be doing you no good. Focus on your own assets, your friendliness, your prettiness and the fact that you are trustworthy. You have some wonderful attributes to offer; as soon as you start focusing on those then you should see that they were wasted on someone who didn’t want something as serious as you do.
The good thing is that you were not together for very long before they showed you their true colours; so perhaps this is a good thing. You could have fallen more for each of them and it seems that you have protected yourself form being in love with any of them.
tagged in Facebook Friends Relationship boyfriend yin and yang agony aunt
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.