Kerry asks :
I've been seeing this boy for a few months now, and have been friends with him for years before, I've always been there to help him with his problems and comfort him. His mum died in 2010 from cancer and his dad died in December from liver failure. At the start of the relationship things were going great and he was starting to feel better about the situation he is in but recently my feelings towards him have been fading. I'm starting to feel very trapped in the relationship because he depends on me so much. He suffers with self harming and sometimes feels suicidal, I don't want to hurt him by ending our relationship because I know he'll do something bad but Its difficult to try and keep my nonexistent feelings for him inside. Please help asap. Kerry xx
Yin replies
Yin / Tyler
Lucy says:
Often sadness can bring people closer together and make us feel things we wouldn’t normally. Perhaps you got your close feelings of friendship mixed up with that of feelings of attraction? Just as you were on the cusp of discovering that you weren’t a match then the deaths occurred and you were spiralled into concentrating all your energy into that? There is no doubt what has happened to him is dreadful, however, you are much better for him in a friendship capacity if that is where you feel most comfortable. If you try and push the relationship when your heart is not in it he will suffer in that area of his life too. Surely it is better to come clean and then you can remain there for him in some capacity rather than none. If you carry on being unhappy as his girlfriend this will only bring morale down more. Better now than later when his feelings have grown for you more and yours for him less. Although we can rely on friends and partners for emotional support this is ultimately a journey he has to make on his own. You are not responsible for his happiness, he is, as harsh as it sounds, only he can stop himself feeling depressed not you. Anything you do will only be temporary fix, as it’s about what is going on inside.
Yang replies
Yang / Lydia
Cameron says:
Kerry, you need to talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Us guys might claim to be ace at this whole ‘boyfriend’ thing, but we just need a helping every now and again. You need to tell him you’re feeling trapped and work on a solution together. If that means you guys taking some time apart, then that might be the solution. Communication is the key here though. Extreme depression like this is something only he can solve, but he needs a support network, not just you. Try and get him to get some outside help. If, after that, you two can’t find that same spark that got you two together, then tell him why you’d like to just being friends again. Just, don’t cut ties completely with him as that would just bring back those feelings of loss he will have experienced before.
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