leanne asks :
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 10 months. We’re both 25. I can count on one hand how many dates we have being on. I have said I want to do more things and he listens but still nothing happens..
He has no problem doing stuff when it comes to his friends but with me, I feel like there is no quality time.
I have just gone through a miscarriage and I don’t feel he has been there to do anything nice or anything to help.. but I do love him
Yin replies
Do you think you could be depressed, as a result of your miscarriage? It sounds as if you haven’t both sat down and really thrashed out how it left you feeling, and where you want to go from here.
Was the pregnancy planned? There could be all sorts of feelings going through his mind, just as much as yours. Men often react badly to miscarriages and yet because they’re so distant from it, their feelings aren’t considered.
Sometimes, you have to take it upon yourself to get the sort of dates you want. Overall, it sounds like you’re not really communicating or coming at your relationship from the same angle.
Maybe he wants you do something nice for him - maybe you need to focus on positives and show him how good it can be, how much fun you can have, rather than complaining or asking for more. Lead the way.
If he wants the same as you, he’ll follow your lead. He’ll get the idea. It’s always more fun if you haven’t had to tell him what you want.
I mean, what romance is there in complaining about not getting flowers and then receiving some the next day? None.
Same with this - don’t keep telling him what you want; show him. Then back off and see if he gets the idea. If he doesn’t, maybe you have to consider whether you really both want the same things.
Yang replies
You’ve been together for nearly a year and you’re still wanting ‘dates’? Isn’t that a bit false by this stage?
Surely you should be relaxed enough to just hang out together and maybe go out for special occasions?
If you feel there’s no quality time, maybe you need to discuss what quality time means to both of you - it sounds as if you’re not on the same page and need to talk.
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