Sarah asks :
My boyfriend and I are thinking of getting married. We both come from a cultural background that emphasises the importance of family. He says all he wants is to marry me, but won't propose until he gets his family's approval. Thing is, his father doesn't seem likely to approve as I come from a different country than them, and he would much rather his son marry from their own country. He is not willing to do anything without his family's approval, whereas I am more willing to dive in and know that eventually my family will accept my decision. He says he will fight his father on this, but the process could take years. My question is: do you think it's worth it? Am I a fool for putting too much faith in something that might not work out? Should I be satisfied with being number 2 in his life, and know that I can never be number 1? Do I deserve better?
Yin replies
Lucy says:
If he loves you there should be no question about whether you get married or not. Surely if it is the difference between his son being unhappy or happy, she should choose the latter. You should not have to wait years for someone to make a decision on your life. The answer should be immediate and if not then yes, I would question how important I was in his life. Family is the most important thing and if he practices what he preaches he should simply tell his father what he is going to do with or without his approval.
Yang replies
Cameron says:
If it’s in both of your cultures to heavily respect family, then of course he’s going to want approval. However, it should not be the be all and end all. Also, if he really wants to marry you, then he shouldn’t’ let anything stop him from being by your side forever. If his family love him, then they will accept that being with you makes him happy and that’s all they should ever really want. If he can’t ask for your hand without his father’s approval based on something as petty as nationality, then you two really need to talk about the priorities in this relationship.
tagged in Marriage
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