Soha Is Traumatized By His Mum’s Skype Affair

4 May 2012

soha malik asks :

Hi I'm 13 years old and I have found texts on my mum’s phone about her having a secret affair with another man although she's married to my dad.
They've never met before but by reading the texts, I see that she has stripped on Skype for him and they're in constant communication. Please tell me what I can do?

Yin replies

This is a truly awful situation to be in Soha. You really didn’t want to discover this, and obviously weren’t trying to find something bad - so none of this is your fault. The trouble is, it’s your parent’s issue to deal with and what you don’t want to do is make things more difficult.
If your mum has done this, then perhaps there are deeper problems either in her own self-esteem or in her relationship with your dad. No one really knows what goes on between their parents - because you weren’t there in their past.
But you want to do the right thing here, I can tell, and you probably feel really aware of your dad’s feelings here. I would recommend that you visit Familylives.org.uk and call their helpline, 0808 800 2222 for some confidential advice.
Or email, or have live chat. As a charity, they aim to help families work things out together. Or Childline www.childline.org.uk 0800 1111. They’re not just for Child Abuse - they offer support on family relationships.
If you can’t talk to someone in the family, and you don’t get anywhere with helplines, then can you talk to your Head of Year at School, or your Form Tutor? Or even make an appointment with the School Nurse?
Someone who can keep an eye on how this will affect you at school - it’s a good idea. If you start to let your schoolwork slip because of the stress you’re under, you could do with some back-up there.

Yang replies

Do you have evidence? If you do, perhaps you should just tell your mum and give her the opportunity to come clean to your dad - but tell her that if she doesn’t come clean within a month, you will tell your dad.
You don’t want to risk jeopardizing any of your relationshps with your parents though - and I don’t know who your closest to. People have affairs for all sorts of reasons and it doesn’t mean your mum doesn’t love your dad, or you.
Do you have a grandparent you could talk to about it? Or a trusted Aunt? Perhaps the fairer way for you is to pass the information on to an adult. Your parents might require some mediation anyway, and counselling.