Still Single

16 November 2007

Kiki asks :

So, here's the deal: I've always been single, and beginning to feel like I'm stuck that way. I don't understand. I'm attractive, smart, sweet, and caring. I've come THIS close to dating many a guy. However, every time I begin to fall for a guy, and it seems he is beginning to like me too, he brings up something about another girl. For instance, this guy, call him Bill, was talking to me the other day. We were just casually discussing work, friends, etc. All of a sudden, he blurts out that he broke up with his girlfriend yesterday. Then he asks me if I'm interested in anyone. I told him no, not really, even though I'm attracted to him. He said oh. Ok then. And the conversation moved on. Then later in the day, he all of a sudden goes Do you know Tina and Mary? I really like both of them but I don't know who I like more. Now I'm thinking, is he fishing to see if I'll say something about me liking him? I didn't know what to do, but we were interrupted and never got to finish the conversation. Or if it's not a guy bringing up another girl, then the guy just seems to see me as his best female friend, NEVER anything more. I also get a lot of "I don't want to ruin the friendship" excuses. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. Please help me, I'm beginning to feel like I'll die alone.....

Yin replies

If you're all of these things, then someone is going to want to be with you. There's someone out there for everyone, and even though your Mr Right hasn't come around yet, that is not to say that he won't do.

It is great that you are being a friend to all of these men, but if you are attracted to them, then maybe you should remind them that your not just a shoulder to cry on and someone to go to for advise.

Yang replies

Don't be so dramatic!!

Feeling like your going to die alone is a bit over the top I think! If you would have told this 'Bill' that you liked him in the first place, maybe things would have been different. Look at the conversation from a different angle.

He's told you that he's finished with his girlfriend (he's single), he's asked you if you're interested in anyone (wants to know if he's got a chance) and you say no (blow him off).

Then he tells you about these two girls that he is interested in (make you jealous?)

Give yourself more of a chance and tell people when you're interested in them. If you don't let them know then it's highly unlikely that you are going to get anywhere on the relationship front.