Alam asks :
I have a niece who is 28 years old. She works and is well qualified. Unfortunately, she has a habit of borrowing money, things etc and not returning them. She has been doing this for some time and when questioned tries her best to justify her actions. She lost her mother when she was thirteen and her father has been of no help to her. She grew up under the guidance of her grandmother. Her attitude as well as ungratefulness towards people who care for her seems to be growing day by day. How do we deal with her and make her understand that this habit is not good for her and she needs to realize now or else there will be bigger issues.
Yin replies
It sounds like she has perhaps not come to terms with the death of her mother and her lack of parental help form her father. It might be that she is trying to rebel against the morals and rules set by her grandmother, which will be far removed from her own because of the age gap.
She might envy the life that others have because she has missed out on things that other people around her have been afforded. This could go some way to explain why she covets things that belong to other people and not want to give them back.
Yang replies
If her attitude is getting worse, perhaps suggest that she speaks to someone. She can go to the doctor and see a counsellor to talk about her past, which might help her attitude in the here and now.
Perhaps try talking to her highlighting your worries as it sounds like she might have the means not to have to borrow money if she is in work. You could ask for your things back and try not to lend her anything else of yours, so she can start an see that you are serious about breaking her habit, she just needs to as well and not ask for your help unless it is verbal.
tagged in Mother Father yin and yang agony aunt
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