Am I a cheapskate?

10 July 2020

Anonymous asks:

Hi. I went for dinner with one of my friends and her older sister.

Me and my friend are not that close but we like to meet up every so often for a catch up and our grandparents grew up together.

I do not know her older sister very well. When it came to paying the bill, my friend decided we split it three ways, of course.

The sisters paid with cash, but I didn't have enough cash so I put out my card to pay for my third of the bill.

My friend told me not to be silly and told me just to put the cash I had instead of waiting for the card machine and I argued that I would pay by card.

As much as I love her she is very stubborn and would not let me pay by card.

SO, very embarrassed I put only £10 and my friend and her sister paid £25 each instead of us all paying £20 each.

I felt awful after, I even messaged her saying I would pay the bill next time we meet up and she told me not to worry but I felt like her sister was a bit off with me after we had paid and my friend hasn't been replying to my messages since.

I'm worried that they've told their mum and our mutual friends as my family told me off for not carrying cash also!

I honestly felt so bad and the thing is my friend had already paid the whole bill on a previous meet up we had and I attempted to pay the whole bill the time after but we knew the owner of the restaurant so he let us off the bill.

Will they think I'm a cheapskate and never want to meet up with me again or do you think it's fine?

Jessica Leoni, sex and relationship expert, said: “What a sad situation and it does sound like you have been very unfairly treated. You shouldn’t feel bad about not carrying cash with you - lots of us are doing that now, particularly with the Covid-situation where venues are encouraging us to pay by cash for safety reasons.

Agony Aunts on Female First

“Now let’s deal with your friend. The first thing to say is that you are, in your own words, ‘not that close.’ So let’s put this row into perspective. You are not in danger of losing a close friend - this is an acquaintance at best. Her older sister does not even fall into that category. I know that it is upsetting to you, but this is not such a big deal and, hard as it may be for you to do, you need to move on from it and stop fixating on what sounds like a silly little power game being played by your friend. Let’s deal with paying that bill. You agreed to split it three ways and you quite rightly offered your share £20 by card. I cannot for the life of me understand why your friend stopped you from paying in this way. Who hasn’t split a bill with a group with some paying cash and others by card? It happens all the time and the restaurant would not have been bothered either way. You say that your friend is ‘stubborn’ and would not let you pay by card. That is her issue. You offered to pay repeatedly and she refused that offer. It is unforgivable for her to ‘ghost’ you afterwards and turn her sister against you, too. This pair really don’t seem like they are worth the effort. You did exactly the right thing by offering to pay for all you the next time you meet up and have been rebuffed.

“You certainly don’t sound like a cheapskate in the behaviour you have described. We all have friends who are cheapskates: they are always last to the bar and find a way to dodge paying their fair share. If there is a part of you that knows you are guilty of that a little, then try to change your habits. Honestly, it is not worth it - yes, you’ll save a few quid but you will run into situations like this all the time and lose friendships as a result. But I am jumping to conclusions here because I think you have behaved honourably. Remind your friend of your offer to pay next time and if she ignores you again, then I think you are better off without her. Life is too short to deal with people playing silly games like this.”