Rebecca asks :
Hi Lucy,
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years and, frankly, we have always been into our sex, we were each other’s firsts, but round about this time last year we broke up for a few months in which time he got with someone else, but we got back together just before Christmas. At first I was fantastic, like old, but for the past few months our sex life has been almost non-existent, and it isn't through lack of trying on my part. What I'm saying is I’m scared I'm bad at sex and he's only found this out now he doesn't want me, I don't know what to do.
Our Reply
Hi Rebecca,
Sex can go through phases- it’s generally hot and heavy at first or when you get back together after a break up and can fizzle out the longer you are together.
It is natural to compare an old lover to a new one and vice versa, however men can’t fake it. If you were getting him off before you broke up and afterwards, then it sounds like you were doing it right.
Perhaps talk to him about it, sex is as much about psychology as it is physiology. If he is feeling guilty over sleeping with this other woman and you are worried about him comparing you to her, then there is a lot going on in each of your minds while you are trying to make the sex as good as it was. This is a lot of pressure on both of you and chances are the mood will suffer.
It could be something unrelated on his part- so if you talk to him you might shed light on why his libido has dropped. Perhaps change things up a bit and whatever you have tried to seduce him- try something new. For instance you could buy some new lingerie or find a sex toy that both of you can use; let him watch you masturbate- anything that is a break from the norm and he should soon realise what he’s been missing.
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