Amelia asks :
Hi Lucy,
I need help with my relationship with my boyfriend; we've been together now for 6 years and everything was going fine until I started at university. He started to ignore me and didn't want to come and see me and since then, he doesn't do anything for me or help me in any way if I'm having a really bad time. I've tried talking to him about it and he just gets really defensive and swears at me. Should I see if he gets better or should I talk to him about breaking up?
Our Reply
Hi Amelia, thanks for getting in touch.
Long distance relationships are always going to require a bit of adjustment as you learn how to maintain your relationship from afar. This can come in the form of arguments and silences while you work through your emotions of losing your partner and friend. Six years is long time to be together before having any big changes like living apart.
If anything long distance relationships need more effort as you have to be more attentive to show your love for the other person and commitment to making it work- all from across the miles, which some find difficult to convey.
He might be defensive because he is jealous that you are moving on and making something of yourself, if he is not in the same position. IS he also at university or has he decided to stay at home?
It could be that he thinks if he is difficult, you will come back to him if he is missing you that much. Maybe he is realising that being with you is more effort than he is willing to put in and is waiting for you to end things. There could be several things at work here.
Perhaps express that the way he is being is making you doubt dating him anymore. If he wants to end things this gives him to window to be honest, but if he doesn’t this will make him sit up and realise what is at stake if he persists in his behaviour.
The bottom line is talking is key to keeping your relationship alive and healthy right now if you are unable to see each other, so he needs to start communicating with you or things will inevitably crumble.
Good luck,
Lucy
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