C. asks :
Hi Lucy,
I've just come home from my first term at university and think I've fallen for a guy. He's funny, thoughtful and exceedingly kind, and although we started messing around together about four weeks in, in the last few weeks it got more serious (although we haven't had sex and he hasn't pressured me to do so) and before term ended we decided to try a relationship. Unfortunately he lives abroad and whilst I'm finding being apart from him and university utterly miserable, he seems very casual about it. I can't tell whether he's just trying to be strong for us both, or if he has trouble expressing his feelings over Facebook, or whether he's just apathetic. I tried giving him my Skype address but he was entirely uninterested. I don't want to seem clingy or overbearing but I do want to communicate with him more.
Our Reply
Hi C,
If you are in a relationship with someone long distance, things like Skyping mean a lot. Facebook is sometimes not enough as you can’t see the other person or their voice, so it not really an unreasonable request.
It might be that he is trying to be strong for you both and Facebook is not the best way to express how you are feeling as it can often be misinterpreted, however if you are looking to make your relationship work generally you go to extreme lengths to maintain it.
It could be that he has lost interest since you have been apart. Some people are very passionate and attentive when they are with their partner, but don’t make an effort when they are apart. It might be time to ask him if he still wants to do long distance anymore.
Or perhaps suggest that you arrange a time each week that you Skype so it’s not all the time but you are still getting the type of communication you want from the relationship.
You are missing him and University, so you should be able to talk to your partner about that, so it sounds like he is not being as supportive as you need him to be right now.
Good luck,
Lucy x
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