charleigh asks :
hi i have lately felt that my best friend hasnt put enough effort into our relationship she is always busy and is with other people and acts differently around them and i feel like she is more concerend about other people i think she is a lovely and kind person and when we hang out shes great and im so happy but then i see her out with other people wearing short revealing skirts and low cut tops etc and thats not the girl i know and i caught her afew times lying to me telling me shes busy and shes actually not! i dont know what to say to her or how to save our relationship help me?! please.
Yin replies
When you are young, appearance matters. If she is in with a different crowd, and copying their style, she is just trying to fit in. You know that she is not being herself, however, if she is getting noticed more by dressing this way and hanging out with other people then she will want to keep it up, at least in the short term.
Try accepting that she has expanded her group of friends and perhaps set just one day a week that you can see her. Make it a regular date and then she might not feel like she has to cancel because of other plans. The answer may be seeing less of her, but the time you do spend is of better quality than seeing her often when she might be distracted.
Yang replies
If you have been friends for a long time and gone through a lot together, she will come back to you, probably when something goes wrong with the other people she is hanging around with. If you care about her you will wait until that happens and show her what she has been missing. In the mean time, why not try and find some other finds of your won. There is no reason why you should be left you on your own and its doesn’t sound like you want to be part of their new circle.
As we get older we do grow apart from friends who we were inseparable with at school, it is inevitable as our commitments grow and life pulls us apart. The best advice I can give is distraction, focus on your studies, your other friends, your home life and it will get you through feeling lonely and sad about missing her.
Try talking to her about it and how it makes you fee, remind her of what you have been through together and that you don’t want to throw it all away. She must miss you too. If she can’t even make a date once a week with you then she is no longer worth your time.
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