frances murray asks :
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years, and live an hour apart. I used to go to his house every weekend but since getting my own place he always has an excuse why he can't come up to stay at mine. We see each other maybe one weekend a month and he has no interest in sex even telling me it doesn't bother him if we have sex or not, when I try to speak to him about things everything comes round to being my fault. We don't even speak during the day except for two minutes at night when I ring him to say goodnight, but when he comes to stay with me at birthdays and christmas he is a completely different person , the person I first fell in love with but then after whatever the occasion is he came up for is over its back to getting nothing again, I don't feel like I'm in a relationship and that he just wants me there for when it suits him . Anytime I approach the topic I just get told that it's my fault , I'm at my tethers end and being in this so called relationship is stressing me out, I just don't know what to do .
Yin replies
Long distance relationships are down to effort on each of you parts. It is what we do often that demonstrates how we feel about someone more than what we say and he is not showing that he cares about you by his actions or by what he says.
It may be that the reason he is better during the holidays is because he is surrounded by other people who don’t know about the problems you have been having. Also it is a happy time of year and this acts as a distraction from your issues for a while and there is not always opportunity to talk.
Yang replies
The fact that your relationship is struggling is not all your fault it is down to the fact that you are not communicating effectively together, which he is providing the block for. If you feel like the bad is overtaking the good then perhaps it is time to leave. If he is not bothered about having sex either then you are really just friends right now. If you discuss that the way he is acting could potentially lead to the relationship ending, it might make him sit up and think about making more of an effort.
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