Gemma asks :
The situation is iv always gone for the wrong men. I finally thought i found a great guy but we went out last night in his area. It started off well but then we changed pubs and everything started kicking off, even though he wasn't the one fighting he felt he had to pipe out and stick up for his mate which is understandable as its a friend he was defending but the bouncers sorted it out and he felt he still had to be loud and carry it on. I got talking to another female who knows his ex and he thought she was slagging her off so then started defending her at the top of his voice even though she never said nothing but why is he so over protective of her when he tells me he hates her so much?? so we finally left the pub to go back to his to find its all kicked off again with different people so he leaves me on my own in the middle of a street at stupid o clock whilst im drunk and says he will be right back. Well he wasn't so carried on walking and found a group of girls who watched me till he came back then he left me on my own again as it kicked off again!! Finally the police turned up so he found me and got me away fast but this has to be one of the worst nights ever and he just didn't listen to me. Its the first time something like this has happened we've been together 2 months his 26 and im 22 i just thought everything was great but this one night he has shown what he really gets like i just don't no whether to forget about it like nothing happened or just end the relationship as i thought getting treated like that was horrible or am i being completely wrong and he was in the right to do what he done because it was his mates??
Yin replies
Hi Gemma thanks for writing in.
Being drunk usually gives us Dutch courage to say and do things that we wouldn’t normally. Small lapses in judgement and misplaced words can be forgivable, however escalating physical reactions and verbal abuse are different. There is nothing wrong with defending a friend, however when it generates into violence that is when it can become difficult to handle for partners and observers.
Habits are hard to get out of and even if he doesn’t like his ex and feels he can say things about her that are negative, when others do he may still be protective because of how he had to be in the past.
Yang replies
He should not have left you on your own, if you went together then se should have stayed with you if you were in an unfamiliar area, especially with violence kicking off around you. If he is treating you like this in the first few months of dating then it could be an indicator of how he will be with you in future and how he gets when he has had a drink down him.
If your instincts are telling you it’s not right so early on then find someone who you can feel comfortable with and who won’t leave you alone late at night.
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