Lizzie asks :
Hi Lucy,
I’ve been with my new boyfriend for 6 months now, he is 16 years older than me. Last night I told him that I love him and he says he's not there yet and that he has only been in love once and she broke his heart. That was 3 years ago and I don't know why he can't move on. I feel so sad that he has been with me this long, showing me that he cares and making me think that he felt the same as I do. Which he obviously doesn’t. He says it's not that I don't love you but I don't either :( He wants to keep being with me but why if he's unsure. Please help! What can I say to him to make things better?
Our Reply
Hi Lizzie,
People fall in love at different rates- if he is forced into saying something he doesn’t mean than he would be lying to you which could potentially be much worse. Surely it's better for him to say it when he means it wholeheartedly?
If he cares about you and wants to stay with you then it should happen eventually, but try to put too much pressure on it or you could drive him away.
It sounds very difficult if you are in that place and he’s not, but you have had the courage to tell him how you feel which is a big step. Yes it’s always nice if you can say it together but when he does you can savour it more rather than both of you saying it together now.
If he has had a bad break up then this can slow things down as he gains trust for another person. He might just be a bit more cautious than you because of his past, which is understandable.
If you show him that you are sticking around and that you love him, then that should give him the security he needs to be able to say it back to you one day.
tagged in Love yin and yang agony aunt
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