Hi Cas,

The chances are he is feeling a bit insecure about his next relationship after what happened to him. If he has waited four years until going out with you then he has probably built up things in his mind to be worse than they actually are and waiting for you to hurt him due to his past.

In terms of making him feel comfortable, try not to mention other guys you find attractive, or even famous people, it can give the impression that you are looking elsewhere or that he’s not good enough. Security in a relationship comes from reassurance and compliments from your partner to show you care rather than just telling them you do, so they feel wanted and needed. Try not to overdo it, but a well-placed positive comment can go a long way to boosting his self-esteem around you.

If he wants to take things slow, then I would suggest maybe taking things at his pace for a while. If you are naturally forthcoming and decisive then perhaps take a back seat and let him take the reins for a bit, just until he finds his feet.

If you get too worked up about losing him then you will likely overcompensate for this and fall into the trap of trying too hard. Maybe just try to focus on enjoying the moments you have together and taking them as they come rather than trying to force anything. One day at a time- if you think too far ahead then you can end up steering things in certain direction, which can potentially frighten him away.