David asks :
Hello Lucy,
I’ve been seeing a girl for about a week. Now, I’ve stayed at hers a few times and we’re going for a meal tonight. She’s staying at mine tonight, I really like her and want to know if she wants to be my girlfriend and be in a relationship with me, but I don't want to mess things up or make it awkward when I ask. Is there any advice on a way to have this talk with her and not mess things up at the same time? We’re both in our 20s.
Hi David,
Agony Aunts on Female First
You say that you are ‘seeing her’, so it seems like you might already be boyfriend and girlfriend. If she is willing to go out with you on your own and stay at your house and have you stay at hers, then it sounds like she might already like you in that way. If you were just friends why would you need to be so close so soon?
Perhaps you have not given this relationship definition yet and that is what is bothering you? It has only been a week- so it's arguable that you have not been seeing her for very long. That said, if you want to have an open and honest relationship with her in future, you could start as you mean to go on and tell her how you feel. If what you want is to be exclusive and monogamous, then it’s worth talking about so you both know where you stand or one of you could end up getting hurt.
A wise person once told me that if after 2 weeks you can’t see a future with someone then they are likely not for you. I suppose the same thing applies the other way around- if you feel that there is a chance at a future for you both- then perhaps you should talk to her about it so you are not left wondering what she thinks about the possibility of you and her. You don’t need to talk children and marriage, but an acknowledgement that you would like to go public might put your mind at ease once you know what this pairing has to offer.
If she doesn’t want to be with that way and what you have been doing for the last week or so has been in the name of friendship, then you can still see each other and try to maintain a platonic relationship if you value her in your life.
tagged in Relationship yin and yang agony aunt
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