Lonely asks :
Hi Lucy, I need help. I suffer with moments of severe loneliness. I'm 19 years old, and it's only recently that I feel utterly friendless. I have always had people I got to share my life with. The problem is my best friend when I was 16 and I started smoking weed, we made loads of friends and had a huge friendship circle. Eventually the only people in my life were druggies. They all still had jobs but they smoked weed all day every day and took harder drugs at the weekends. I par took for a year two and I had fun loads of fun! Eventually though it was affecting me mentally and the decision to change my life came about and I decided to stop drugs. Everyone I thought was my friend was only around because I took drugs. I met my best friend at the moment just at the transition and she has helped me loads. She has recently got into a relationship so everything we were going to do she now does with her partner - I am more than happy for her she deserves someone who looks after her and makes her happy. But now I feel totally alone. My only other friend has feelings for me which aren't reciprocated. I am active, training for a half marathon, I attend a yoga class, I am artistic, I love my family, but I just feel so alone in the sense that I have no friends I can share my life with. I don't know what else to do?
Hi Lonely,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It is very admirable that you were able to break away from these people who were friends with you for the wrong reasons. I'm sure many of them wish they could but don't have the strength that you did.
It is wonderful that you have been able to find someone who wants to be your friends for all the right reasons. The one comfort in her finding a new partner is that this phase of only seeing him and not you will wear off once the novelty of having a new relationship has faded, so you will get her back- but that doesn't mean that you have to wait around for when this happens.
It sounds like you have a lot of other things going on in your life and a good relationship with your family, so perhaps try to engage more with the people that share your interests and those closest to you. It is good to have people in all different walks of life to indulge each of your passions as individually they might not full all your needs.
Can you join an art class? Or a gym class or running club if you are active? Perhaps try to put the feelers out for any social events that are going on surrounding these areas of your life and see if you can get more involved rather than them being a solo activity. You never know who you might find in terms of friendships.
Also if you love your family can you make some more time for them? Have a regular night out with them doing something that bonds you all? A meal, bowling or a walk? Or could you suggest a family night at home to save money?
It sounds like you have a lot of options here, but it might just need you to be a little bit more proactive and you should see the benefits.
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