Hi C,

Men are very visual creatures and even if they are satisfied with their sex life there is still a temptation to watch porn for titillation. Women are more sexual thinkers and like to conjure up fantasies in their head which is why the conflict and lack of understanding can occur.

Porn is often a huge parts of a man’s life right through from adolescence as they generally start exploring their bodies much younger than women. He might be embarrassed that he still watches it, when the sex life you have is great and that is why he doesn’t want to talk about it.

If you have reacted angrily about this then he may have panicked and shut down- if you approach it with a calmness- then he may be more inclined to come clean. Talk about how it makes your feel and ask him why he wants to watch it- if there is anything that he would like to change or include in your sexual play. You can uee it to have a healthy conversation about spicing things up in the bedroom.

Try to remember that it is not a rejection of you-the women in porn are not obtainable and are purely fantasy- so it’s not inactive of him looking to stray. Men are turned on by fantasy. Why not try to get more involved with it- watch it together or play out one the fantasies in the recording? Once he realises that he can have it in real life- then he won’t have the need to watch them anymore!