Finchy asks :
Hi Lucy,
I recently did something very stupid, I engaged in sexual activity on Skype with someone other than my partner. This was not a regular thing but rather a throwback to bad habits from before my relationship began, and I have felt rubbish ever since, I have not as of the time of writing confessed to my partner who is my first long term partner and want to spend the rest of my life with as I am scared of what I could lose and of hurting my partner for a single stupid moment. My question is, should I confess? It would hurt her; hurt me and potential ruin our relationship. I fear that my main motivation for confessing will be to make myself feel better as I have felt ill ever since, however, I am not sure this is far. Please, any advice would be appreciated. Regards
Hi Finchy,
Agony Aunts on Female First
The question I always ask in situations like this is; if it were the other way around would you want to know? If the answer is ‘yes’ then perhaps you should extend her the same courtesy.
She might not consider it the same as cheating with someone in the flesh so she might find it in herself to forgive you, however the trust might be broken for a while. Even if you were not in the same room together engaging in the sexual activity- the intent was still there to share this experience with someone else- so on the flip side she might see it as just as much of an offence as sleeping with another women behind her back.
Perhaps tell her that it was a ‘single stupid moment’ and that you want to ‘spend the rest of your life with her’. She could see the bigger picture and find it in herself to put it behind her and move on.
If she reacts badly could you consider some relationship counselling to discuss why it happened? Chances are, there was a reason, that might reflect on the state of your relationship, so it might be worth exploring this with her if she will agree to it.
If you don’t tell her, then you could run the risk of making yourself ill for the foreseeable future- left untouched this could only make you feel worse. If you want to go the distance with this woman then perhaps she deserves your honesty. But if you decide not to tell her then perhaps make sure you never to repeat this activity again.
tagged in Partner Relationship yin and yang single
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