Anne asks :
Hi Lucy,
I am very happily married and I'm still madly in love with my husband of 20 years. But recently I have been having feelings for a work colleague. I have no intention of cheating on my husband and never would but he seems to be taking up more and more of my thoughts and I’m starting to worry. Can you advise on the best course of action. It is hard to avoid him at work I've tried, I've also thought about telling him nothing will ever happen even though in different circumstances it would. I'm rather confused as never in my whole married life has this happened before.
Our Reply
Hi Anne,
It is natural to still find other people attractive when you are married- just because you have devoted your life to one person doesn’t mean that you don’t notice other people around you that could be your type if circumstances were different.
The most important thing is that you have not acted on it; however you are in danger of having an emotional affair if you let it take over. If he approaches the subject of taking things further then that would be the perfect time to tell him that you don’t want anything to happen and that you value him as a friend.
Perhaps you are not as happy as you thought you were with your husband. Maybe there is something lacking in your relationship that this man has highlighted because he is filling that void. It’s usually that they pay you more attention than your partner or that they make you feel more attractive and wanted or they listen to you more- or perhaps they remind you of a younger version of your man. Whatever the possible reason- if you love your husband enough- then once you have identified it- perhaps try to work on that together and rekindle what you once had to remind you that you don’t need to look for it elsewhere. After 20 years of marriage perhaps the grass can seem greener- however is this more about your relationship than your work colleague?
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