Sophie asks :
Hi Lucy,
I like my boyfriend’s friend/best friend!!! - don't just read this and think I'm a bad person because me liking his best friend can't be all my fault! Yes I've only been with my boyfriend for a month but me and his best friend get on so well, we have the same humour and we flirt all the time, but he seems to just take the piss out of me but he doesn't mean to it's just his way of having a laugh? Understanding me? Whenever my boyfriend isn't around he flirts, tickles, laughs, touches me and makes little digs, kind of like he knows I like him, but I don't know. My boyfriend is paranoid as he knows there's clearly something going on. Can anybody help me with this? - Please don't say I'm horrible or anything I'm just really confused because I get more excited to see his friend than I do my boyfriend. But I do really really like my boyfriend and want to stay with him. Help!
Our Reply
Hi Sophie,
I am not going to say that you are horrible- it just sounds like you are a little confused and unsure of your feelings at the moment.
If you ‘really, really like your boyfriend and want to stay with him’, then perhaps it’s time to dial back the flirting with this guy. If you entertain it then you might lead him on into thinking he has a chance. If he makes a move then this could jeopardise not only your relationship but also a friendship.
If you are more excited to see this guy than your boyfriend it could be that the flirting has subsided in your relationship and so you miss it and looking for it elsewhere. If the honeymoon period is over for you then you could be trying to replace it by getting the attention from this new guy. You could try and inject some newness into your relationship to recapture what you had at first perhaps; in whatever form you think that might take.
That said, it could also be due to the possibility that you and your boyfriend are not meant to be. This might be a sign telling you that maybe you should part ways. If you are looking elsewhere this could be a warning sign that you are ready for a new relationship.
Take the friend out of the equation- are you happy with your boyfriend? If you can answer that first then you should be able to make a decision on what to do. Leave your boyfriend and go out with this friend, leave him and be single for a while or stay with him and work on things.
tagged in friend boyfriend yin and yang best friend agony aunt
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