Ellis asks :
Hi Lucy,
I am divorced 56 and my stepson’s girlfriend is 30. I fell in love with her 6 years ago, she knows I love her, I have told her plenty of times. Her boyfriend doesn’t respect her, he works away making good money; he gives her very little and drinks and gambles it away. When he is home he goes missing for days, he's never ever bought her flowers. She's a lovely lass in every way, we get on so well and I think there's a spark between us. Even though she knows how I feel she never avoids me, she just thinks I haven't got over my ex. I had to send her a text explaining I have and it’s her I love. She is a hairdresser and now wants to cut my hair, how am I going to feel when she is running her fingers through my hair? I am sure she wants an affair, no one would suspect as were together quite often, do you think she could have feelings for me..?
Hi Ellis,
Agony Aunts on Female First
If her relationship with your stepson is that bad then perhaps she will come to realise this on her own and leave him. If she can see that her relationship could be a lot better with someone else then maybe she will see the light at some point. If she does want to pursue something with you then that would be the ideal opportunity for her to do so. The situation sounds very complicated as it is so maybe if you start something up with her now it could make things even more complex.
Even if you tell her that he is treating her badly, it is up to her to stay or to leave. Remember that you have motivations for saying these things even if they are true- it might be worth not trying to make her do anything before she is ready.
If she knows how you feel about her then perhaps she would have made a move by now. If she still wants to be around you then it may be because she likes you that way or it could be that she likes the thought of being attractive to someone other than her partner, if he does not pay her much attention.
If you can't trust yourself when she cuts your hair then perhaps suggest that she doesn't do it for you. It could lead to the start of an affair and although you say that no-one would realise what was going on, it might have a wider impact on your entire family not just the three of you.
Perhaps you have feelings for this woman because she is the only female you have been in regular contact with since your divorce and you have a connection. This might just be as friends rather than romantically- you have said a lot about the way you feel but not how she does- so try to be realistic that she may not reciprocate the intense feelings you have for her. Maybe the attention she has given you has flattered you at a time when you were a little insecure around other women after breaking from your wife.
tagged in Love boyfriend yin and yang agony aunt
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.